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Bush's presidential tenure leaves a short paper trail

DALLAS (Ersatz News Service) -- The upcoming George W. Bush Presidential Library might be smaller than initially planned because of a lack of presidential papers produced during Bush's eight years in office.

Architects designing the facility, scheduled to be built next year on the Southern Methodist University campus, today confirmed the space required to house the presidential documents will be far less than it originally anticipated.

Peter Keating of the New York-based architectural firm Francon & Heyer, said the company came to that realization after the White House recently performed an exhaustive inventory of the documents.

"The president obviously has not been a prodigious note-taker, because the paperwork fit comfortably in a single cardboard box in a small utility closet just off the Oval Office," Keating said.

He added: "From an architectural standpoint, you don't need an exceptionally large structure in which to house a half-dozen manila folders filled with half-formed thoughts, various doodles and discarded Tootsie Roll wrappers."

A spokesman for the Bush Repository Foundation, which is overseeing the project, said the dearth of documents hardly should be construed as a negative.

"Honestly, most of the stuff you find in other presidential libraries just sits around collecting dust," the spokesman said

"The relatively few papers the president has produced are informative, enlightening and -- in the case of his many goofy renderings of Saddam Hussein as a chicken, goat or other barnyard animal -- often quite entertaining."

The spokesman scoffed at the notion the building might end up smaller than initially conceived.

"All the recent inventory means is that we're now guaranteed plenty of space for the vending machines, the workout treadmills and the driving range," he said.

In related news, outgoing vice president Dick Cheney's staff disclosed that his library and museum, which will be totally underwritten by Halliburton, will be built entirely underground at a location that will not be disclosed to the general public.

"For security reasons, the library's address will be divulged only on a need-to-know basis," newly hired curator I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby said . "Trust me -- it will be more difficult to unearth this library's whereabouts than it is to obtain the identity of a covert CIA operative."

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