Gator for the garden a great gift
By Jack Markowitz
Published: Wednesday, Nov. 21, 2012, 11:28 p.m.
Welcome to a super-early Thanksgiving, hence an early start to the shopping season.
This is a gift in itself compared to the election season (way too long) and the fiscal cliff season (dragging still).
Gifts are special, the pre-eminent consumer product you wouldn't buy for yourself but would for someone else, or hope someone else buys for you. There's a built-in mutuality.
Even gifts you wouldn't dream of giving or getting have their place, along the lines of “what will they think of next?”
Maybe you've seen brave souls riding around on a two-wheeled contraption like a lawn mower. Solowheel does this feat one better. Standing up, you straddle a single small tire. Gyro sensors and an electric motor keep the thing rolling, but an economy way to go this isn't. The price: $1,799.
This and other marvels were discovered during a long-distance airline flight while leafing through a seatback catalog, “SkyMall.”
You might have never thought, for instance, that for $169 a householder can “stun your neighbors and keep your garden free of all kinds of intruders.” All it takes is a crocodile, four feet long, made of plastic, and mechanical. It walks.
Or, if you're tired of shopping for carbonated beverages, you could “turn water into soda in seconds” at home with a $99 SodaStream machine.
In short, there are gifts for the lazy and energetic, the overweight and overworked, hunters, golfers, lovers, travelers and stay-at-homes, deep sleepers and tossers ‘n turners, big spenders and budgeters.
Human vanity moves mountains of merchandise. Somebody who's putting on a few pounds might well appreciate the thought behind an “Insta Slim” T-shirt ($24.95) designed to take five inches off anybody's silhouette.
Likewise for a “full head of hair in 30 seconds,” Toppik, at $21.95, scatters “thousands of color-matched hair fibers” across a scalp's thinning areas. Having to walk through a rough neighborhood might call for “Pick-pocket Proof Pants” at $89. But even cyberspace can't be trusted. Foil those “digital pickpockets” with a $64.95 RFID Security Wallet.
There must be nothing like “transcendental relaxation” at the end of a grueling day. Sogno DreamWave by Inada offers it — reclining in the “world's best massage chair,” merely $7,799.
Any old chair might do for watching sports on television. But for true fans can anything be as authentic as a matched pair of Yankee Stadium grandstand seats for $999? Especially if placed under a Major League Baseball “Parks Map” of the United States ($349). That comes with 30 small containers, one from each ballfield, of “game-used dirt.”
Family pets appreciate a gift no less than other people. For dogs and cats are all sorts of toys and beautifying, feeding, playing and napping appurtenances, even a snug-fitting shirt ($39.95) whose “gentle, constant pressure” relieves an animal's occasional bouts of “anxiety.”
Hundreds — thousands — of examples could be cited. What they add up to is one fact unequivocally clear about Thanksgiving 2012:
Whether catalog-driven, Internet-induced or Black Friday frenzied, there is no excuse this year for “not knowing what to buy!”
Jack Markowitz writes on Thursdays for Trib Total Media. Email him at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Show commenting policy
TribLive commenting policy
You are solely responsible for your comments and by using TribLive.com you agree to our Terms of Service.
We moderate comments. Our goal is to provide substantive commentary for a general readership. By screening submissions, we provide a space where readers can share intelligent and informed commentary that enhances the quality of our news and information.
While most comments will be posted if they are on-topic and not abusive, moderating decisions are subjective. We will make them as carefully and consistently as we can. Because of the volume of reader comments, we cannot review individual moderation decisions with readers.
We value thoughtful comments representing a range of views that make their point quickly and politely. We make an effort to protect discussions from repeated comments either by the same reader or different readers.
We follow the same standards for taste as the daily newspaper. A few things we won't tolerate: personal attacks, obscenity, vulgarity, profanity (including expletives and letters followed by dashes), commercial promotion, impersonations, incoherence, proselytizing and SHOUTING. Don't include URLs to Web sites.
We do not edit comments. They are either approved or deleted. We reserve the right to edit a comment that is quoted or excerpted in an article. In this case, we may fix spelling and punctuation.
We welcome strong opinions and criticism of our work, but we don't want comments to become bogged down with discussions of our policies and we will moderate accordingly.
We appreciate it when readers and people quoted in articles or blog posts point out errors of fact or emphasis and will investigate all assertions. But these suggestions should be sent via e-mail. To avoid distracting other readers, we won't publish comments that suggest a correction. Instead, corrections will be made in a blog post or in an article.
- Analysis: Steelers could fill needs with free agents while not spending big bucks
- Steelers to release LaMarr Woodley; Taylor restructures contract
- Crosby lifts Penguins over Capitals in last game of road trip
- Stage volunteer dies following collapse at Pine-Richland High School
- Top pitching prospect Taillon’s time with Pirates must wait a bit
- Penguins notebook: Heralded Russian Evgeny Kuznetsov debuts with Capitals
- Marcellus shale driller Noble Energy Inc. sinks roots into Pittsburgh
- Job cuts at AGH part of ‘strategic’ process
- Fear of building collapse closes Tarentum road
- Hempfield couple charged in thefts
- ‘Fresher, different, lot more fun’ guide changes at Kings Family Restaurants