ShareThis Page
More Lifestyles

Continuing to include brother in group texts leads to blocked calls

| Saturday, May 12, 2018, 2:42 p.m.

Dear Carolyn:

A message from my brother: “'John,' you have tried to call me a few times, wondering why I don't answer. ... When you were sending those group messages to me and I politely asked you to stop, your comment was, ‘I like to include you, why does it matter?' So I blocked your number. I hate those and you're not the only one that I have blocked. And another comment you said to me is, ‘You have to watch what you say to me because you might [tick] me off.' So for now Messenger is the only contact until you stop those group texts or I will block again.”

You agree he's overreacting?

—“John”

I agree with him, that blocking you was a reasonable next step after his reasonable first step — asking you not to send him group texts — which you refused to honor.

Disrespectfully refused, and for reasons I can't fathom.

My advice now is to remove him from your group messages and apologize for not doing so when he asked.

I also suggest you review “what you say to me” for any points you're belaboring, axes you're grinding or drums you're beating thin. Between the lines, I see siblings whose differences have been exposed and prodded to the point of releasing toxins. Sometimes it's better for everyone, even for your top causes, to give these differences a rest. Find what unifies.

If he doesn't respond to these steps by accepting your calls, then that's possibly an overreaction; only your history together can say so for sure.

•••

Dear Carolyn:

I broke up with my boyfriend two weeks ago after about eight months of dating. Living about two hours away from each other, we'd been drifting apart for a while.

Now, ex-boyfriend has decided to block me on all social media, repeatedly tell me he has no idea who I am, blame me for issues he's having, etc. Most recently, a friend outed me as bi to my ex. Ex has now decided this means I cheated on him.

I'm mad at both the friend -- she was apparently mad on his behalf about how our breakup went -- and my ex for telling people I cheated on him, despite no such behavior.

What is a healthy way to move forward with this? I would really like to keep both in my life, but it's just looking harder to do so.

— Recent Grad

Why? So you can feel like the good guy, whose breakups are amicable?

Move forward by recognizing it's over x 2 — friend and boyfriend — and disengaging. They've disqualified themselves as friends. Save your emotional energy for people who don't throw it back in your face.

Email Carolyn at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.

TribLIVE commenting policy

You are solely responsible for your comments and by using TribLive.com you agree to our Terms of Service.

We moderate comments. Our goal is to provide substantive commentary for a general readership. By screening submissions, we provide a space where readers can share intelligent and informed commentary that enhances the quality of our news and information.

While most comments will be posted if they are on-topic and not abusive, moderating decisions are subjective. We will make them as carefully and consistently as we can. Because of the volume of reader comments, we cannot review individual moderation decisions with readers.

We value thoughtful comments representing a range of views that make their point quickly and politely. We make an effort to protect discussions from repeated comments either by the same reader or different readers

We follow the same standards for taste as the daily newspaper. A few things we won't tolerate: personal attacks, obscenity, vulgarity, profanity (including expletives and letters followed by dashes), commercial promotion, impersonations, incoherence, proselytizing and SHOUTING. Don't include URLs to Web sites.

We do not edit comments. They are either approved or deleted. We reserve the right to edit a comment that is quoted or excerpted in an article. In this case, we may fix spelling and punctuation.

We welcome strong opinions and criticism of our work, but we don't want comments to become bogged down with discussions of our policies and we will moderate accordingly.

We appreciate it when readers and people quoted in articles or blog posts point out errors of fact or emphasis and will investigate all assertions. But these suggestions should be sent via e-mail. To avoid distracting other readers, we won't publish comments that suggest a correction. Instead, corrections will be made in a blog post or in an article.

click me