TribLIVE

| Lifestyles

 
Larger text Larger text Smaller text Smaller text | Order Photo Reprints

Wedding's off and the deposits are gone

Email Newsletters

Click here to sign up for one of our email newsletters.

'American Coyotes' Series

Traveling by Jeep, boat and foot, Tribune-Review investigative reporter Carl Prine and photojournalist Justin Merriman covered nearly 2,000 miles over two months along the border with Mexico to report on coyotes — the human traffickers who bring illegal immigrants into the United States. Most are Americans working for money and/or drugs. This series reports how their operations have a major impact on life for residents and the environment along the border — and beyond.

Sunday, March 24, 2013, 9:00 p.m.
 

Adapted from a recent online discussion.

Hi, Carolyn:

My daughter was supposed to get married soon but, upon finding out about several affairs, she has canceled the wedding. She is devastated, but has an excellent support system.

However, we have an issue with her ex-fiance's family. My family put down non-refundable deposits on services like the venue, florist, photographer, etc. I think, given the circumstances of the split, her ex-fiance should reimburse us for the deposits. He caused this wedding to be canceled, and now he is just walking away, leaving thousands of lost dollars in his wake.

My daughter is adopting the attitude of just wanting to move on; she would rather not get involved with his family.

Because about half the deposits are mine, I do want to get involved. My son is a lawyer and told us we have absolutely no legal recourse for this money and we should assume it is gone.

It is hard for me to let this money go, through no fault of my family. Any advice?

— Canceled

Yoga, punching a pillow, throwing darts at a photo of the ex, Zumba, a cocktail at 4:55 p.m. instead of 5, a mock funeral service where you bury thousands in Monopoly money — pick your method and use it to bid farewell to the cash.

Wanting people to behave as you want them to is a great way to waste a good chunk of your life. Better just to waste the money, and accept that your daughter is the luckiest person on earth right now; if this money is what it cost for her to reach this mountaintop, then, arguably, it was well spent. Or well set on fire.

Besides, you don't want to get on the “no fault of my family” road, because, for example, your daughter might been immersed in signs that her beloved was cheating on her, and so her wishful thinking and/or foot-dragging are part of the reason you're now out these nonrefundable deposits. I actually don't believe in such finger-pointing unless it's part of a process of self-examination — but I'm putting it out there as a caution against such me-good-you-bad thinking.

Re: Canceled:

Don't let your daughter think you care more about money than about her. I called off a wedding, too, and my parents lost some deposits. They didn't say a word about the money, and I can't tell you how much that meant to me. I was humiliated and devastated and needed more emotional support than I let on. I imagine your daughter is feeling something similar.

— Anonymous

So well said, thanks.

Re: Canceled:

This family could possibly recoup some of their “lost” deposit money. A canceled wedding brokerage service can “sell” your wedding package at a discount to another couple.

— Anonymous 2

Brilliant, thanks.

Dear Carolyn:

Another approach to the lost deposits is to use them. Send some flowers to a hospital. Send the DJ to a nursing home unit at the VA. Send the caterer to a shelter.

— D. (Via Facebook)

Even brillianter.

Email Carolyn Hax at tellme@washpost.com, or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.

Subscribe today! Click here for our subscription offers.

 

 


Show commenting policy

Most-Read Stories

  1. Pirates acquire pitcher Blanton from Royals for cash
  2. Starkey: Garoppolo baffles Steelers
  3. Peduto blasts Wolf’s plan to borrow $3B to shore up pensions
  4. Tight ends’ role in Steelers passing game continues to lessen but players remain selfless
  5. McCutchen, Pirates cruise to interleague victory over Twins
  6. Steelers notebook: LB Dupree sits out backs-on–backers drill
  7. Steelers’ Bell unsure why NFL reduced his suspension
  8. Inside the Steelers: Williams’ quickness out of backfield evident in drills
  9. Hempfield man serving life without parole for killing wife tells judge he’ll pay restitution when he’s released
  10. Extremes in weather hurt crops in Westmoreland
  11. Pirates notebook: Melancon bails out Watson with extended outing