Some bowl team humor
The college football bowl season kicks off Saturday with the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl and the New Mexico Bowl.
Baked, fried, mashed, sliced and diced spuds will be on the menu for studs from Toledo and Utah State during their stay in Boise in the middle of nowhere.
Gringos from the Arizona and Nevada teams can feast on tacos, tamales and tortillas smothered with hot chili sauces while practicing “Hola!” and “Gracias!”in Albuquerque, where half of the population is Spanish.
If you miss the “openers,” it's no big deal.
Thirty-three more bowl games are scheduled through Jan. 7, when the BCS National Championship will conclude the college football season at arguably the best party place of all, Miami.
Others include the Belk Bowl, Pinstripe Bowl, Beef ‘O' Brady Bowl, Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl, Little Caesar's Pizza Bowl, Chick-Fil-A Bowl and the bowl that could use the food, the Fight Hunger Bowl.
Thirty-five bowl games is at least 25 too many to be meaningful. They're said to reward college kids for busting their butts, but they're more about placating alumni and generating big bucks.
Pennsylvania once hosted a bowl, the Liberty Bowl, from 1959 to 1964. Because of low attendance and little interest, it was moved to Atlantic City and then to Memphis, Tenn., its current site.
A Miami cousin, who finds good homes for retired Greyhound racing dogs, has passed along tongue-in-check humor and rivalry jokes about bowl teams. Enjoy.
Why do Syracuse fans wear orange? They dress that way for the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday and picking up trash on Monday.
What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs? Drool.
How many Michigan freshmen players does it take to change a light bulb? None. That's a sophomore course.
How did a Georgia football player die from drinking milk? The cow fell on him.
Two Western Kentucky football players were walking in the woods. One said, “Look! A dead bird.” The other one looked at the sky and asked, “Where?”
A Louisville footballer was almost killed in an accident. He fell from a horse and was nearly trampled to death. Luckily, the Walmart manager came out and unplugged the horse.
If three Florida State football players are in the same car, who's driving? A police officer.
How can you tell if a North Carolina State football player has a girlfriend? There's tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck.
Nebraska Coach Bo Pelini dressed half of his players for a recent game. The others dressed themselves.
How do you get a Texas football player off of your porch? Pay him for the pizza.
What are the longest three years of a University of Kentucky football player's life? The freshman years.
What does the “N” on University of Nevada helmets stand for? Nowledge.
Why do Oklahoma fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards? So they can park in handicapped spaces.
Why do Mississippi State football players like smart women? Opposite attract.
What do you call a UCLA football player with a National Championship ring? A thief.
Why do LSU football players attend movies in groups of 18 or more? Because the sign says “17 and under not admitted.”
What do you say to a Miami football player dressed in a three-piece suit? “Will the defendant please rise?”
Why don't Central Florida players drive Japanese-made cars? They think they won't understand what's on the radio.
What do you call a 200-pound South Carolina cheerleader? Anorexic.
Thought du jour - Smiling and laughing are cheap medicine.
Joe Grata is a freelance writer for Trib Total Media.
Show commenting policy
TribLive commenting policy
You are solely responsible for your comments and by using TribLive.com you agree to our Terms of Service.
We moderate comments. Our goal is to provide substantive commentary for a general readership. By screening submissions, we provide a space where readers can share intelligent and informed commentary that enhances the quality of our news and information.
While most comments will be posted if they are on-topic and not abusive, moderating decisions are subjective. We will make them as carefully and consistently as we can. Because of the volume of reader comments, we cannot review individual moderation decisions with readers.
We value thoughtful comments representing a range of views that make their point quickly and politely. We make an effort to protect discussions from repeated comments either by the same reader or different readers.
We follow the same standards for taste as the daily newspaper. A few things we won't tolerate: personal attacks, obscenity, vulgarity, profanity (including expletives and letters followed by dashes), commercial promotion, impersonations, incoherence, proselytizing and SHOUTING. Don't include URLs to Web sites.
We do not edit comments. They are either approved or deleted. We reserve the right to edit a comment that is quoted or excerpted in an article. In this case, we may fix spelling and punctuation.
We welcome strong opinions and criticism of our work, but we don't want comments to become bogged down with discussions of our policies and we will moderate accordingly.
We appreciate it when readers and people quoted in articles or blog posts point out errors of fact or emphasis and will investigate all assertions. But these suggestions should be sent via e-mail. To avoid distracting other readers, we won't publish comments that suggest a correction. Instead, corrections will be made in a blog post or in an article.
- Valley resident new CEO at Jefferson
- Big transportation wish list pitched to state commission
- Pony World Series tradition continues at Washington
- Belle Vernon man faces drug charges
- Architect seeks money for work on Charleroi theater project
- New leader named at Jefferson Hospital
- Rostraver youth pastor accused of sex assault
- Mon Valley Chamber fundraiser to offer encore for ‘Got Talent’
- Ringgold to seek state’s help funding new school building