Some bowl team humor
The college football bowl season kicks off Saturday with the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl and the New Mexico Bowl.
Baked, fried, mashed, sliced and diced spuds will be on the menu for studs from Toledo and Utah State during their stay in Boise in the middle of nowhere.
Gringos from the Arizona and Nevada teams can feast on tacos, tamales and tortillas smothered with hot chili sauces while practicing “Hola!” and “Gracias!”in Albuquerque, where half of the population is Spanish.
If you miss the “openers,” it's no big deal.
Thirty-three more bowl games are scheduled through Jan. 7, when the BCS National Championship will conclude the college football season at arguably the best party place of all, Miami.
Others include the Belk Bowl, Pinstripe Bowl, Beef ‘O' Brady Bowl, Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl, Little Caesar's Pizza Bowl, Chick-Fil-A Bowl and the bowl that could use the food, the Fight Hunger Bowl.
Thirty-five bowl games is at least 25 too many to be meaningful. They're said to reward college kids for busting their butts, but they're more about placating alumni and generating big bucks.
Pennsylvania once hosted a bowl, the Liberty Bowl, from 1959 to 1964. Because of low attendance and little interest, it was moved to Atlantic City and then to Memphis, Tenn., its current site.
A Miami cousin, who finds good homes for retired Greyhound racing dogs, has passed along tongue-in-check humor and rivalry jokes about bowl teams. Enjoy.
Why do Syracuse fans wear orange? They dress that way for the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday and picking up trash on Monday.
What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs? Drool.
How many Michigan freshmen players does it take to change a light bulb? None. That's a sophomore course.
How did a Georgia football player die from drinking milk? The cow fell on him.
Two Western Kentucky football players were walking in the woods. One said, “Look! A dead bird.” The other one looked at the sky and asked, “Where?”
A Louisville footballer was almost killed in an accident. He fell from a horse and was nearly trampled to death. Luckily, the Walmart manager came out and unplugged the horse.
If three Florida State football players are in the same car, who's driving? A police officer.
How can you tell if a North Carolina State football player has a girlfriend? There's tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck.
Nebraska Coach Bo Pelini dressed half of his players for a recent game. The others dressed themselves.
How do you get a Texas football player off of your porch? Pay him for the pizza.
What are the longest three years of a University of Kentucky football player's life? The freshman years.
What does the “N” on University of Nevada helmets stand for? Nowledge.
Why do Oklahoma fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards? So they can park in handicapped spaces.
Why do Mississippi State football players like smart women? Opposite attract.
What do you call a UCLA football player with a National Championship ring? A thief.
Why do LSU football players attend movies in groups of 18 or more? Because the sign says “17 and under not admitted.”
What do you say to a Miami football player dressed in a three-piece suit? “Will the defendant please rise?”
Why don't Central Florida players drive Japanese-made cars? They think they won't understand what's on the radio.
What do you call a 200-pound South Carolina cheerleader? Anorexic.
Thought du jour - Smiling and laughing are cheap medicine.
Joe Grata is a freelance writer for Trib Total Media.