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We need a National Hangover Day

Scott Paulsen
| Friday, March 16, 2012

I would like to propose a new holiday. Commencing tomorrow, I would like each March 18th to be known as Hangover Day. I realize we already have a lot of holidays none of us pay much attention to or participate in, but that doesn't mean we can't squeeze one more meaningful one onto the calendar.

After all, who doesn't like a day off?

Today is St. Patrick's Day, our national drinking day, a 24-hour period during which many normally sane humans seem to completely lose their minds. It's all loud and boisterous, full of consumption and debauchery. And it's all accepted. "Oh, well," people say as they walk past the guy regurgitating green beer onto his shoes as his friends sing a song about a unicorn, "It's OK. It's St. Patrick's Day."

The day that follows, March 18, is the exact opposite. It's almost always a quiet day, full of pausing and reflection, a day when the greatest gift one can hope for is a dark room, the curtains pulled and a "do not disturb" sign on the door.

Each year, we treat the day after St. Patrick's as a day of recovery. Why not give it a name• Hangover Day will be a simple holiday. There will be no cards, no gifts, no decorating -- just an agreement among all of us that nothing of significance will be accomplished that particular day.

I imagine Hangover Day as a spiritual day, a day when we all have lowered expectations. Cable installation• Nope. It's March 18. Brain surgery• It'll have to wait. You want your Subway sandwich without hot peppers• Don't ask. It's Hangover Day.

National Hangover Day.

I will not be drinking this St. Patty's Day. For some insane reason (and it seems more insane every day), I chose alcohol this Lenten season, and choosing the road less traveled has turned me into a sober, upright citizen.

For now.

I never realized 40 days lasted more than a month.

Not all of you are thus. I imagine that some revelers will more than make up for my clean living by being good Pennsylvania Wine and Spirits Stores consumers. They will bag it. You will drink it. On Sunday, you will pay for it. That's how it works.

Wouldn't it be great if there was a national day of forgiveness and spirituality, when it was understood that we all do stupid things while under the influence• Can we have a day when no one would ask, you would never have to tell and we all could just crawl into our individual hovels to heal up, no questions, no knocks on the door, no visits from reporters, all sins forgiven• A day when boss and worker bee alike could rejoice in the fact that productivity would be nil• A day when no one expects anything from anyone, anytime• A real day off?

A National Hangover Day.

It's got a nice ring to it.

Text your congressman today.

Don't do it tomorrow.

His phone will be turned off.

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