'Heyl: Stache Bash to be brush with fame
Owing to the lack of a full moon and obvious liability issues, no werewolf will be in attendance.
No matter. Even without a lycanthrope present, 'Stache Bash promises to be the hairiest Halloween-related celebration in Pittsburgh history.
The American Mustache Institute, which in July relocated its world headquarters from St. Louis to Pittsburgh, holds its signature annual event on Saturday in Buckhead Saloon in Station Square.
'Stache Bash is more than an evening of kindred spirits coming together to discuss the numerous benefits of maintaining a hirsute nose neighbor. It's also the event in which the winner of the highly coveted Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached Person of the Year Award is announced.
“If you were to take the top five red-carpet events in Hollywood, roll them together and throw them into Station Square, you'd have an idea of what 'Stache Bash will be like,” said institute CEO Adam-Paul Causgrove, 29, of Mt. Washington. “When you start mixing mustaches and Halloween costumes, you're in for a true wild-card experience.”
The tongue-in-cheek institute uses these offbeat occasions to champion what it calls the “sexually dynamic mustached American lifestyle” and to raise money for charitable causes. This year's 'Stache Bash will benefit Steps to Independence, a local nonprofit that helps children with motor disabilities become physically, socially and psychologically independent.
The bash also will benefit one fortunate finalist for the Goulet Award, bestowed annually on the person who best represented or contributed to the mustached American community during the previous year.
Causgrove, who won the award last year before ascending to his all-powerful position as institute CEO, will hand off his crown to one of 10 Goulet nominees.
Besides “Anchorman” character Ron Burgundy, the only immediately recognizable finalist name is Fox News personality Geraldo Rivera, 70. He gained notoriety in September by tweeting a nearly nude picture of himself. The exhibitionistic move didn't so much cause an uproar as it caused people who saw the photo to quickly determine they had no desire that day for lunch.
The institute is encouraging people to come in costume, particularly if they dress up like their favorite mustached personalities.
“Come as one of the Village People, Magnum, P.I., Frank Zappa, perhaps 1980s television mainstays Alf or Mr. T,” Causgrove suggested. “Maybe one of the Golden Girls.”
Being an inclusive organization, the institute won't require folks to have a mouth brow to attend. No one lacking one will be denied admission.
In fact, the institute will distribute free stick-on lip sweaters — and not just because people lacking real ones run the risk of experiencing paralyzing but understandable feelings of inferiority and inadequacy.
As Causgrove put it, “Science has proven that both men and women look better with a healthy amount of lower nose foliage.”
Eric Heyl is a staff writer for Trib Total Media. He can be reached at 412-320-7857 or firstname.lastname@example.org.