An oath for Obama
“I say it's high time we update the wording of the presidential oath of office, which is specified in Article II, Section 1 of the U.S. Constitution.”
“That's right. Our current president isn't following it much anyhow, so why don't you recite it from the top so we can get to work?”
“I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my Ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.”
“‘I,' you say? Since some want our country to be more collectivist, I think we should go with ‘we.' Continue.”
“We do —”
“‘Do?' Only a determined president would do what he says he will do. Change that one to ‘may.'”
“We may solemnly —”
“Stop! ‘Solemnly? As in ‘solemn resolve'? That sounds so serious. Our president is the opposite of serious about many of our country's challenges. Change that to ‘frivolously.'”
“We may frivolously swear —”
“'Swear?' As in ‘affirm'? As in ‘assert strongly and publicly'? I don't think so. The only time our president talks with such resolve is when he is criticizing Republicans. Better change that to ‘consider.'”
“We may frivolously consider that I —”
“‘I?' You realize a president requires several bureaucrats to impose a European-style democracy on a half-asleep populace. Change that to ‘we.'”
“We may frivolously consider that we will —”
“‘Will' is way too strong a word. It evokes certainty and determination. Better change that to ‘may.'”
“We may frivolously consider that we may faithfully —”
“Stop! ‘Faithfully' has religious overtones. That might offend some. Take that out altogether.”
“We may frivolously consider that we may execute —“
“‘Execute' is so weighty and confining. Change that to ‘attempt to carry out.'”
“We may frivolously consider that we may attempt to carry out the office of the President of the United States —”
“Whoa! That is not correct. The goal of our president appears to be to give promises and government largesse to people who will vote for him and his party. His duty appears to be to those people. Change that to ‘the will of the people who vote for me.'”
“We may frivolously consider that we may attempt to carry out the will of the people who vote for me and will —”
“Change that second ‘will' to ‘may,' please.'”
“We may frivolously consider that we may attempt to carry out the will of the people who vote for me and may to the best of my ability —”
“Change ‘my' to ‘our.'”
“We may frivolously consider that we may attempt to carry out the will of the people who vote for me and may to the best of our ability preserve —”
“Stop! Our president doesn't want to preserve things like American exceptionalism. He believes in more ‘progressive' ideas. Change that to ‘progress.'”
“We may frivolously consider that we may attempt to carry out the will of the people who vote for me and may to the best of our ability progress, protect —”
“‘Protecting' requires leadership and hard work. It is easier to just give things to people. Change to ‘provide.'”
“We may frivolously consider that we may attempt to carry out the will of the people who vote for me and may to the best of our ability progress, provide and defend —”
“‘Defend?' As in ‘defend the Constitution'? That's a good one. We need a term that aligns better with our president's thinking. Change that to ‘amend.'”
“We may frivolously consider that we may attempt to carry out the will of the people who vote for me and may to the best of our ability progress, provide and amend the Constitution of the United States.”
“Now that's an oath of office our president can keep!”
Show commenting policy
TribLive commenting policy
You are solely responsible for your comments and by using TribLive.com you agree to our Terms of Service.
We moderate comments. Our goal is to provide substantive commentary for a general readership. By screening submissions, we provide a space where readers can share intelligent and informed commentary that enhances the quality of our news and information.
While most comments will be posted if they are on-topic and not abusive, moderating decisions are subjective. We will make them as carefully and consistently as we can. Because of the volume of reader comments, we cannot review individual moderation decisions with readers.
We value thoughtful comments representing a range of views that make their point quickly and politely. We make an effort to protect discussions from repeated comments either by the same reader or different readers.
We follow the same standards for taste as the daily newspaper. A few things we won't tolerate: personal attacks, obscenity, vulgarity, profanity (including expletives and letters followed by dashes), commercial promotion, impersonations, incoherence, proselytizing and SHOUTING. Don't include URLs to Web sites.
We do not edit comments. They are either approved or deleted. We reserve the right to edit a comment that is quoted or excerpted in an article. In this case, we may fix spelling and punctuation.
We welcome strong opinions and criticism of our work, but we don't want comments to become bogged down with discussions of our policies and we will moderate accordingly.
We appreciate it when readers and people quoted in articles or blog posts point out errors of fact or emphasis and will investigate all assertions. But these suggestions should be sent via e-mail. To avoid distracting other readers, we won't publish comments that suggest a correction. Instead, corrections will be made in a blog post or in an article.
- Steelers notebook: Starting DEs not leaving the field
- NHL notebook: Former Penguin Despres gets $18.5 million deal from Ducks
- MLB notebook: Mariners fire McClendon after 2 seasons as manager
- Short-handed West Virginia to face challenge in Oklahoma State passing attack
- Penn Hills literacy project adds mini library
- Photo Gallery: Johnny Appleseed Day at Highcliff Elementary
- Yatesboro teen died from artery anomaly
- Violence spreads to Gaza Strip
- Pittsburgh International Airport to focus on attracting new airlines, increase facility’s usage
- ‘Post-Ebola syndrome’ hospitalizes British nurse
- House OKs end of oil export ban adopted in 1970s in response to Arab embargo