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MAD sets Maher's 'New Rules'

| Saturday, April 12, 2014, 9:00 p.m.
Bill Maher
Getty Images
Bill Maher
State Rep. Ron Waters, D-Philadelphia
State Rep. Ron Waters, D-Philadelphia

Left-wing HBO talk show host Bill Maher gets a taste of his own caustic medicine in the upcoming issue of MAD Magazine.

A cartoon released prior to the issue's publication offers a hilariously scathing critique of Maher's “Real Time” program, done in the format of the show's popular “New Rules” segment. Among the rules MAD suggests for Maher:

• “You actually have to finish a monologue joke before you start to laugh at it.”

• “Either smoke (pot) on the air or shut up. We get it: you like pot. So do all your viewers — it makes it easier to watch your show.”

• “Start going to a stylist. You can't rail every week about the petroleum industry when you've got a quart of Quaker State in your hair.”

Is the magazine concerned that Maher might retaliate on the air by attacking MAD? By publishing the cartoon, the periodical seems to have adopted the attitude of its longtime mascot, Alfred E. Neuman: “What? Me worry?”

WATERS ALSO STUNG BY FUNDRAISER TURNOUT. Bet he had a lot of leftover hors d'oeuvres.

On Monday, state Rep. Ron Waters held his first fundraiser since being implicated as a target of a sting operation in a case that state Attorney General Kathleen Kane decided against pursuing.

Waters was among four Philadelphia Democrat lawmakers allegedly caught on tape accepting cash payments or gifts from a government informant. Chances are the stool pigeon handed out more than Waters got from supporters on Monday, as fewer than 10 people showed up for his 90-minute fundraiser at the Hilton Harrisburg.

Not to suggest Waters has become a political pariah. But as The Patriot News of Harrisburg drolly noted, “there was no problem getting face time with the guest of honor.”

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO FREE SPEECH, TO BEAR ARMS ... AND TO WEAR ROBES? Thank heavens that politicians such as state Sen. Tim Solobay are around to remind us that sitting at home in your robe is an unalienable right.

The Canonsburg Democrat recently told the Beaver County Times that he believes legalization of online gambling in Pennsylvania “would open up a bit too much freedom.” Solobay expressed concern that people would exercise that freedom by sitting in their robes at home and gambling on their computers.

We're going to have to contact Mr. Solobay's office for an explanation. We just pored over the Constitution and its amendments and couldn't find any reference to bathrobes.

NO BLOOD DRAWN. U.S. Rep. Tim Murphy, R-Upper St. Clair, who chairs a House Energy and Commerce Committee subcommittee, escaped unscathed when “Saturday Night Live” skewered a much-publicized hearing at which he presided.

“SNL” cast member Taran Killam played Murphy in the skit that mocked new General Motors CEO Mary Barra's testimony about deadly problems with the Chevy Cobalt's ignition switch. But all the comedy came at Barra's expense, not Murphy's.

HERO DEJA VU. Franklin Regional School District security guard John “Jay” Resetar, 69, of North Irwin — who assisted in the apprehension of a knife-wielding teenager at the high school last week — was a hero on the hardwood during his own school days.

Resetar, who was wounded during the scuffle to disarm the stabbing suspect, was a guard on Norwin's 1963 basketball team that won a WPIAL championship and was a PIAA runner-up.

Many Franklin Regional students referred to Resetar by his other nickname, “Sarge,” as they praised the guard who watches over their high school.

CALLING ALL TROOPS.John Hugya, the former Marine Corps colonel seeking the Democrat nomination for the 12th Congressional District seat, has hired a campaign staffer who once was a candidate for the same seat.

Hugya, who was a top aide to the late U.S. Rep. John Murtha, hired Larry Stiles of Johnstown. Stiles will coordinate with veterans organizations throughout the district as Hugya attempts to unseat U.S. Rep. Keith Rothfus, R-Sewickley.

Hugya said Stiles will work with the Veterans of Foreign Wars, American Legion, Vietnam Veterans, Order of the Purple Heart, Disabled American Veterans, Marine Corps League and other groups.

Stiles, a Republican who originally was challenging Rothfus in the primary, is a Marine Corps veteran of Vietnam with more than 30 years of experience as a self-employed businessman. He has worked on various political campaigns for 35 years.

Hugya's opponent in the primary, Erin McClelland of New Kensington, was recently endorsed by Cambria County Democrats.

— compiled by Trib Total Media staff

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