Coaches don't always say just what they mean
TribLIVE Sports Videos
The world of sports is full of cliches with hidden meanings.
Here are some recent quotes from coaches followed up by what I believe they were really trying to say.
• “He's been struggling with academics since he arrived on campus.”
Translation: The only book he has opened since he got here was the phone book to order a pizza.
• “Lately, every game has been a challenge.”
Translation: These guys are challenged by the simplest of things — getting dressed, wearing matching socks, brushing their teeth daily. You name it, they're challenged by it.
• “I'm glad we'll get to play rather than having to wait a week.”
Translation: Haven't our fans suffered enough? Let's get this season over with.
• “He's got a good glove. He's a great defensive player.”
Translation: He couldn't hit water if he fell out of a boat.
• “We've been playing it one game at a time.”
Translation: I'd like to be the first coach to say that we've been playing it three games at a time but my record isn't good enough to give any zany, yet humorous, quotes.
• “If we give 100 percent total effort and play a mistake-free game, we have a chance.”
Translation: We need the other team to come down with the chicken pox.
• “We have a lot of different personalities on this team.”
Translation: These guys pretty much hate each other. I can't even let them alone in the locker room for fear of a street rumble.
• “They're not unbeatable.”
Translation: Yeah, they can be beat. Just not by us.
• “He's just a freshman. He's going to make mistakes. Give him time.”
Translation: The way I see it, the kid is only 18 and, if things don't change, he's got a good shot to be 21 in three years.
• “We have to get back to the basics.”
Translation: These guys need a flow chart to tie their shoes.
The only thing they know about good defense is they can't play it. They can't dribble with their left hand and they can't shoot with their right.
Their best two-handed technique is the double-dribble. It's going to be a long season.
• “He's having trouble with the location of his pitches.”
Translation: Many of his pitches have been located-deep in the center field seats.
• “He doesn't have the right mind-set for a good running back.”
Translation: Every time he gains three yards, he does a dance and wants a pay raise.
There you have it — a beginner's guide to coach-speak.
Marty Stewart is a sports editor for Trib Total Media. He can be reached at 412-782-2123 or email@example.com.
Show commenting policy
TribLive commenting policy
You are solely responsible for your comments and by using TribLive.com you agree to our Terms of Service.
We moderate comments. Our goal is to provide substantive commentary for a general readership. By screening submissions, we provide a space where readers can share intelligent and informed commentary that enhances the quality of our news and information.
While most comments will be posted if they are on-topic and not abusive, moderating decisions are subjective. We will make them as carefully and consistently as we can. Because of the volume of reader comments, we cannot review individual moderation decisions with readers.
We value thoughtful comments representing a range of views that make their point quickly and politely. We make an effort to protect discussions from repeated comments either by the same reader or different readers.
We follow the same standards for taste as the daily newspaper. A few things we won't tolerate: personal attacks, obscenity, vulgarity, profanity (including expletives and letters followed by dashes), commercial promotion, impersonations, incoherence, proselytizing and SHOUTING. Don't include URLs to Web sites.
We do not edit comments. They are either approved or deleted. We reserve the right to edit a comment that is quoted or excerpted in an article. In this case, we may fix spelling and punctuation.
We welcome strong opinions and criticism of our work, but we don't want comments to become bogged down with discussions of our policies and we will moderate accordingly.
We appreciate it when readers and people quoted in articles or blog posts point out errors of fact or emphasis and will investigate all assertions. But these suggestions should be sent via e-mail. To avoid distracting other readers, we won't publish comments that suggest a correction. Instead, corrections will be made in a blog post or in an article.
- Murrysville hosts community camp-out over weekend
- Judge lifts order blocking racy state emails
- Steelers’ Timmons looks to reverse defense’s struggles
- Pirates’ Morton scratched from start Sunday
- Police, bloodhound team locate former athletic director, Greensburg official
- Hempfield senior Bagiatis captures WCCA golf title
- Penguins’ new 3rd jersey similar to early 1990s version
- Crosby limited in early return to Penguins training camp
- 1 dead, 1 injured in Derry Twp. crash
- Judge denies request to lift gag order in Ford case
- Rossi: The series that will define these Pirates