Tim Benz: Suggesting some New Year's resolutions for those in the world of sports
New Year's Day is Monday. So it's time for some New Year's resolutions in the sports world.
If those involved are as dedicated to their resolutions as I usually am, you can expect all of them to be broken before the Rose Parade is over.
But let's give it a shot anyway, shall we?
Steelers: 1. Beat the Patriots in the AFC championship game.
2. Don't get upset before the AFC championship game.
Penguins: Do as much research as possible on the 1992 Stanley Cup Pens team. Because if you want to repeat as champions, you're going to need to pull a season out of the fire like those guys did.
Pirates: When you sell off the roster, just admit what you are doing. Don't con us this time.
Gerrit Cole: Learn how to keep the ball in the yard. Otherwise, that will be an issue in all those American League East ballparks after you are traded.
Le'Veon Bell: 1. Stay healthy.
2. Stay off Twitter.
Antonio Brown: 1. Get healthy.
2. Stay off Facebook Live.
Martavis Bryant: 1. Avoid suspension.
2. Stay off Instagram.
Martavis' girlfriend: Stay off everything.
Ben Roethlisberger: 1. Don't throw five interceptions against Jacksonville if you see them again in the playoffs.
2. Big Ben has been very good lately. I don't know if he has any other New Year's resolutions, but I'm sure when he breaks them it'll be “Coach Todd's” fault.
James Harrison: Work on those anger issues in New England. No one here wants to see you taking them out on Roethlisberger in the playoffs as a Patriot.
Mike Tomlin: Have two plays ready to go the next time your team is in a frantic goal-line sequence.
Keith Butler: Slow down Tom Brady and Rob Gronkowski. Like I previously said , your team shouldn't be expected to stop them better than everyone else. Just don't be worse at trying than everyone else. And right now, you are.
Vince McMahon: If you really do start a football league, write a better catch rule. If an official botches it, allow a player to suplex him at the 50-yard line.
College football: Expand to an eight-team playoff.
Washington Capitals: Avoid the Penguins in the playoffs as long as possible – if the Pens even make it. Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
Dan Potash: When '70s Night rolls around at PPG Paints arena next Thursday, live up to the high bar you set after Star Wars and Ugly Sweater nights.
Jim Rutherford: Find your magic from previous seasons if you are going to make a big trade. Because this year's acquisitions have been underwhelming.
Colin Kaepernick: Stick to football.
Donald Trump: Stay out of football.
Pitt football: 1. Keep ruining the seasons of good teams.
2. Don't ruin your own season with bad loses
Pitt basketball: Regain relevance.
Pitt fans and administrators: Stop being so offended. About everything. All the time.
Bengals: Win at least one playoff game for your next coach.
Browns: Win a game (Please note: This is to start next year. Like, you know, after Sunday)
LaVar Ball: Go away. Vanish. Just … disappear.
Vontaze Burfict: See above.
Tim Benz: Next year, if you get really behind at the holidays and need to hurriedly pound out a column, make it something more original than a New Year's resolution notes piece.
Tim Benz hosts the Steelers pregame show on WDVE and ESPN Pittsburgh. He is a regular host/contributor on KDKA-TV and 105.9 FM.