Letter to the editor: How to prevail over Trump
If I were advising Iran’s Supreme Leader, Ayatollah Ali Khameini, I would tell him that he is on the wrong track if he wishes to prevail over Donald Trump and the United States.
Although a case can be made in his accusing the American administration of mental retardation, it would be much more productive to follow the tested North Korean dictator and murderer model: Lavish this president with praise, swallow your pride and tell Trump what a wonderful and strong leader he is, speak of how impressed you were with his great victory in the 2016 election, and tell him you know his inauguration crowd was larger than that of Barack Obama.
Tell him that his polling numbers indicate that he is extremely popular and beloved, and that he is a shoo-in to win re-election next year. Tell him how handsome, young and virile he is. Send him “beautiful letters” which will cause him to “fall in love” with you. Ruthless dictators who flatter him are handed the keys to the kingdom.
It has been said that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. The way to Trump’s heart, assuming he has one, is through appealing to his extreme narcissism and pomposity. Play into that, Ayatollah, and Trump will adore you, taking your word over that of our intelligence services, and you will have a much clearer path to develop nuclear weapons without interference from your bosom buddy, the American president.