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Poison pen pal peeved by Pirates ponderings

| Thursday, April 11, 2002

An occupational hazard of being a snotty, burned-out columnist is that some readers feel you exist merely to allow them to vent. (Kind of the way I feel about most politicians.)

Surprisingly, most of the e-mail is rather thoughtful, except for the 10,000 pieces of junk e-mail (spam) sent daily that tout new products virtually guaranteeing to enhance my physical or fiscal self — dramatically.

Many of my cyberspace pen pals actually disagree with me, yet they usually compose well-reasoned (yet misguided) counterpoints.

Sometimes, however, my 56K e-mailman brings a special delivery from a poison pen pal whose glands have overruled his brain.

F.V.B. from Penn Township appears to be such a person. Parts of his message were edited because of space limitations. And others because of the commonwealth's libel laws. The remains are in quotes. My italicized responses are within the text of his dismissive missive.

"Why don't you get over complaining about PNC Park, you stupid…"

I cannot let go of this. What Grant Street did to the taxpayers was unconscionable.

"Your constant bashing of Kevin McClatchy and the Pirates has gotten old!"

Since when is truth-telling "bashing" (and when did it go out of style)•

"1.) You're a whining spoiled brat who's still pouting the Pirates are in Pittsburgh, and that PNC Park was built."

Actually, I'm glad the Bucs are here, but saddened because the multimillionaire owners forced taxpayers to build subsidized public housing for them.

"2). You complaining is proof you have no talent as a writer or talk host!"

You needed evidence for that assertion?

"3). You need professional counseling."

Been there, done that.

"4). You are unethical."

For disagreeing with Grant Street•

"The reason why the Pittsburgh region is still lagging behind is because of stupid, narrow-minded, beer-bellied yunzers like you who think everything should revolve around the Steelers!"

Actually, it's more of a Diet Dew gut. And if having to choose what everything should revolve around, I'd just as soon it be me.

"Before you give me the LIE that the people voted against new stadiums, let me point out the 1997 referendum was not a referendum on stadiums! It was on increasing taxes! The fact you and other(s)… still believe the lie is proof the people of Pittsburgh are stupid!"

Pittsburghers may be a lot smarter than you think.

"Why don't you leave Pittsburgh! You claim to be a graduate of the University of Pittsburgh. I don't believe you."

Taking — and passing — two real estate courses at Pitt's night school doesn't count•

"You probably dropped out of first grade; no graduate of the University of Pittsburgh (or Duquesne) would say the moronic things you are saying."

What about the moronic things said by the college graduates who schemed to build the stadiums•

"You are a moron!"

You're probably right. I watched the Bucs' home opener.

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