To paraphrase a great old saying from Pittsburgh Penguins radio announcer Mike Lange, the Philadelphia Flyers don't know whether to cry or wind their watches.
The Pens can eliminate the Thugs of the City of Brotherly Love tonight in Philly, capture the Eastern Conference title with a four-game series sweep and return to the Stanley Cup finals for the first time since 1992.
Call Arnold Slick from Turtle Creek.
And what an express train to Lord Stanley's coveted trophy it has been. The Ottawa Senators were swept out in the first round, 4-0. The New York Rangers were dispatched 4-1. And now the Pens are on the cusp of brooming out the Flyers, who've been handing out checks like it's the first of the month.
Get in the fast lane, grandma. The bingo game is ready to roll.
The Pens' presumptive opponent for the Stanley Cup is soon-to-be Western Conference winner Detroit. The Red Wings have been on an equally impressive romp. And the seven-game championship could be an Igloo melter.
And Pittsburgh hockey fans are smiling like a butcher's dog.
And just to get everyone in the right frame of mind, might we suggest that for the first game at Mellon Arena that Sophie Masloff sing the national anthem?
Scratch our back with a hacksaw and shave our faces with a rusty razor.
Let's go, Pens!