ShareThis Page
News

Human-body statistic explains some people's stupidity

| Monday, Sept. 13, 2004

The other day I read somewhere that the human body produces approximately one cup of mucus per day.

Folks, that explains a lot of things.

A lot of people are walking around with their heads full of mucus, which explains why they act brain dead. They are. Their brains have drowned in snot.

These are people who should be carrying around multiple organ donor cards, just in case they get a splinter or a hangnail. Their functioning organs then could be harvested for use by those who need them.

These include people who ride motorcycles without helmets (I don't care if it is now the law) and people who allow their children to ride bicycles without wearing a helmet (shame on you) and people who refuse to fasten their seat belts.

Also on this list of fools are drivers who get behind the wheel of an automobile drunk, people who pull out right in front of you when you're tooling down the highway at 55 mph (or faster), people who don't know that a sign that says STOP means that you should apply your brake and come to a full and complete halt, and people who apply their brakes as they approach every curve in the road, even if they are traveling at only 25 mph, or brake every time they coast down a grade no matter how small it is.

Mucus brains also wear shorts and tank tops when it's cold enough to don overcoats. When the calendar says spring they bring out the shorts. It doesn't matter what the thermometer says. Hey, the calendar says spring so it must be warm. Duh.

Then they don't know when to pack them away again. If they are living by the calendar and not the thermometer, they should realize that the tank top has to go because the calendar says it's Sept. 21 -- that's fall. Time to unpack long trousers and flannel shirts.

Mucus brains are easy to spot in public places. In supermarket checkout lines, they like to cuddle up real close to your backside or hit you in your Achilles tendons with their shopping carts. They also don't like to use those order separator thingies. They just sort of let their groceries meld into your groceries. Then after the clerk has run them over the scanner you notice that you are paying for their filet mignon and caviar. "Oooh, giggle, giggle or ha, ha, ha, those are mine. Hee, hee, hee," they titter. So you are stuck in the store for another 10 minutes while the clerk calls a manager, then subtracts the errant groceries from your bill.

In clothing stores, mucus brains ask to see items such as "dress Jeans" to wear to a wedding. Say what• Dress jeans apparently are dark and unfaded, making them appropriate, I assume, for formal events, such as nuptials. They leave the clothes they tried on in the changing rooms, usually on the floor instead of on a hanger. And they also wait until they are first in line at the checkout to proceed to write a check for their purchase -- this applies to supermarkets, as well. Why could they not have written that check out and had their ID ready for the sales associate as they stood in the checkout line• Because their brains are mucus impaired, that's why.

Mucus brains also won't have their dogs and cats spayed and neutered. They tie their animals outdoors and leave them there without water year round. Or they let them run free to copulate and defecate all over the neighborhood. Then, they place the newborn puppies or kitties in a burlap bag and drown them. Or drop them off along a country road.

One could go on and on and on. Stupidity is rampant.

Some of these people can't be helped. They don't want to change. They keep doing the same stupid things over and over. They will even have the temerity to argue with you if you point out the error of their ways.

Mucus for brains.

Are the scientists who did the research sure that was only one cup per day?

TribLIVE commenting policy

You are solely responsible for your comments and by using TribLive.com you agree to our Terms of Service.

We moderate comments. Our goal is to provide substantive commentary for a general readership. By screening submissions, we provide a space where readers can share intelligent and informed commentary that enhances the quality of our news and information.

While most comments will be posted if they are on-topic and not abusive, moderating decisions are subjective. We will make them as carefully and consistently as we can. Because of the volume of reader comments, we cannot review individual moderation decisions with readers.

We value thoughtful comments representing a range of views that make their point quickly and politely. We make an effort to protect discussions from repeated comments either by the same reader or different readers

We follow the same standards for taste as the daily newspaper. A few things we won't tolerate: personal attacks, obscenity, vulgarity, profanity (including expletives and letters followed by dashes), commercial promotion, impersonations, incoherence, proselytizing and SHOUTING. Don't include URLs to Web sites.

We do not edit comments. They are either approved or deleted. We reserve the right to edit a comment that is quoted or excerpted in an article. In this case, we may fix spelling and punctuation.

We welcome strong opinions and criticism of our work, but we don't want comments to become bogged down with discussions of our policies and we will moderate accordingly.

We appreciate it when readers and people quoted in articles or blog posts point out errors of fact or emphasis and will investigate all assertions. But these suggestions should be sent via e-mail. To avoid distracting other readers, we won't publish comments that suggest a correction. Instead, corrections will be made in a blog post or in an article.

click me