Carolyn Hax stories, Page 3

Husband opts out of Valentine’s Day the moment they’re married

Adapted from a recent online discussion. Dear Carolyn: Valentine’s Day is coming and once again my husband will do nothing for me. He said, after we got married four years ago, he shouldn’t “have to” anymore. This was a huge shock since, when we were dating and engaged, he would...
My friends say my boyfriend is ‘tough to like’

Adapted from a recent online discussion. Dear Carolyn: My boyfriend and I are going to visit some friends who have invited us to join them at their lake house. A few months ago, my friends told me my boyfriend is “tough to like.” I realize his sense of humor isn’t...
Resented by sister since the day she was born

Adapted from a recent online discussion Dear Carolyn: I ruined my sister’s life the day I was born, which was cute back then, but we’re almost 50 now. Starting with childhood, most decisions I make (hair, clothes, musical instrument, sports, college, career, house, etc.) somehow ruin her day. She gets...
Son struggles with intimate relationships after death of father

Dear Carolyn: My adult son, now 29, lost his father in a freak accident the day before he turned 13. For more than two years after the accident, his dad lingered in a near vegetative state. A grief counselor I consulted back then told me that as a result of...
Dealing with a ‘Debbie Upper’

Adapted from a recent online discussion. Dear Carolyn: I have a dear friend who won’t allow anyone to say anything bad about ANYONE. My youngest son was trying to make a point about one of his teachers, who treated him like dirt — we as parents got involved as well...
Boyfriend from Brooklyn won’t cater to her communication style

Dear Carolyn: I would love some perspective on how to accept my significant other’s communication style. For 20 years I have told him I would appreciate it if he would initiate conversations about what’s going on in my life and ask me how/what/why questions instead of yes/no questions. At this...
Feeling relief, not grief, about her beloved father’s death

Adapted from a recent online discussion. Dear Carolyn: It was the 15th anniversary of my dad’s death recently. I know it should have been a day marked by profound grief, but instead the primary feeling I had was … relief. This sentiment would have been easier to accept if he...
Girlfriend doesn’t want biological kids

Hi, Carolyn: My girlfriend of three years does not want biological kids, whereas to me it’s very important. She thinks I’m naive and don’t understand how completely life-altering and difficult childbearing and child-rearing are. I feel I understand all that, and understand the greater biological burden on her, but it’s...
Parents need to get on the same page to address daughter’s meltdowns

Adapted from a recent online discussion. Dear Carolyn: My usually calm daughter, 6, has recently started melting down every time something doesn’t go her way — big or small. My spouse and I can’t figure out the best way to handle it. He says I’m too easy on her because...
Husband tells daughters of his desire to cheat before telling his wife

Adapted from a recent online discussion. Dear Carolyn: My husband recently told me he had fallen for another woman. I was stunned, but even more when he said he had informed my daughters of his desires before he spoke to me. Both daughters stood up to him, he and I...
Wife second-guesses marriage after trouble conceiving children

Dear Carolyn: I got married two years ago to a wonderful woman. We are in our mid-30s and decided to wait one year before trying to have kids. We waited the year and started trying, but despite neither of us having any obvious medical issues, we’ve been unable to conceive....
Disappointed with adult life

Dear Carolyn: Is being an adult just the process of becoming more accepting of disappointment in life? I’m in my 30s and awakening to the fact that nothing in the life I have spent a decade building — relationships, career, skills, hobbies, home — is fulfilling to me at all....
Man can’t connect with wife now that kids are grown and gone

Dear Carolyn: After 30 years of marriage, my wife and I have come to the realization that we have nothing in common. It hasn’t always been this way. Even with our cultural differences — my wife emigrated from Central America at 20; I’m third-generation Japanese American — there was an...
Explaining nurse’s schedule to boyfriend’s family is like talking to a brick wall

Adapted from a recent online discussion. Dear Carolyn: I am a nurse, my boyfriend is a teacher. A lot of his family are teachers, too. My boyfriend and I get along great, he is really patient with my schedule and I am completely understanding that he gets extra time off...
Coming to terms with mother’s decline

Dear Carolyn: The holidays were great except … my mother looks like she is dying. She had a significant fall the week before. Went to the hospital. Somehow managed not to break anything. Was given antibiotics for a “raging” (doctor’s word) infection. She and my dad managed to get to...
Wife fears husband’s bragging sets family up for failure

Adapted from a recent online discussion. Dear Carolyn: Two years ago, we were invited to skip our son “Johnny” ahead from first grade to second mid-year. My husband was a bit insufferable about it, bragging to a number of our friends about how well Johnny was doing academically. This really...

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