Asking for a Friend: How do I deal with a friend who is always late?

Q: I have a friend who is always late — whether it’s dinner, lunch, or even major events. How do I tell her this is unacceptable?

Asking for a friend,

Joy in Hempfield

A: Consistently showing up late isn’t just annoying — it’s disrespectful of your time. The best approach is a direct but kind conversation. Try something like, “I’ve noticed you’re often running late, and it’s making plans a bit stressful. Can we work on that?” You’re not attacking her character, just pointing out something that you find questionable.

From there, you don’t have to bend over backward. Start things on time, don’t wait around, and if her lateness keeps getting in the way, it’s OK to rethink how you make plans, or even if you make plans at all. If you want to have lunch at 12:30, you can always tell her you are meeting at noon, knowing that she won’t show up until 12:30.

If her lateness is making you dread plans instead of enjoying them, it’s fine to step back from certain invites. You don’t need to ghost her — just be more selective about what you’ll commit to.

This will be easier to do if you realize that all you’re asking for is basic courtesy. If she’s a true friend, she’ll get it.

Q: I was paying for a pair of pants at Ross Park Mall when I realized they had tacked on a very high fee of $66 for alterations. I didn’t want to make a scene, so I didn’t say anything and ate up the cost. I did mention it later when the store sent me a customer service survey. Was this the right call?

Asking for a friend,

Lou in Sarver

A: Wow! That’s definitely a high price to pay for alterations. You should have said something right then and there, if anything, to gauge the reaction from the store. Surprise charges should be addressed immediately at the register. You can do so quietly, without making a scene, to show that you’re a savvy shopper. It’s your money after all and they should be able to explain every mysterious fee. Good for you for bringing up during the survey — even if a bit late.

Q: My brother-in-law is always bringing up politics at family gatherings and I’ve just about had it. We don’t share the views and his stances on some topics are completely against my beliefs and morals. I don’t want to create unnecessary friction, but I’m having a hard time figuring out how to be gentle about something so delicate.

Asking for a friend,

Lauralee in Greensburg

A: You’re not alone, Lauralee. It seems like every family has this problem. It’s understandable to want to keep peace and enjoy a family visit without tension and unnecessary confrontations (let alone compromising your values).

You don’t have to play referee at family gatherings or put up with comments that you find offensive. When he starts revving up, try changing the subject. “Anybody want cake?” If that fails, there’s always the nuclear option: politely but firmly say, “Hey, I’d love to keep things light — let’s save the heavy stuff for another time.”

You’re allowed to set boundaries, even if it ruffles a few feathers. There’s a time and place for every conversation, and sometimes it’s just not when you’re celebrating a festive occasion.