Remembering Mother's Day: Despite the whirlwind around them, some moms make it look easy

Being a mom isn’t for the faint of heart. Gone are the days when the mother of the household was expected to stay at home, raise children, cook and clean. Today’s moms hold down 40-hour-a-week-plus jobs. They volunteer. They run businesses, home-school their kids — and so much more.

Overcoming adversity and being overwhelmed come with the territory.

Some moms can make it look easy, even though it isn’t.

Nettie Sullenberger, Ligonier

Nettie Sullenberger of Ligonier wants people to know that having a child with special needs, though challenging, “isn’t always a bummer.”

Her son, Teddy, 36, has Down syndrome.

“He’s my happy place,” said Sullenberger, a retired nurse. “He’s sweet and consoling and very intuitive. He can always tell how I’m feeling.”

Sullenberger said she had a premonition during her pregnancy that there might be some health issues with Teddy, who was born three weeks early just before her 35th birthday. Tests confirmed her feelings.

“I don’t want to say that it wasn’t any big thing, because I knew there would be challenges,” she said. “But I knew we were in good hands.”

Sullenberger estimates that Teddy functions around the level of an 8-year-old, though he hasn’t been tested recently. He has some speech capability and uses a Dynavox communications device to be better understood.

“He’s slow, but he gets there. He has a very creative mind, and he loves music,” she said. “He’s better with technology and the computer than I am.”

Sullenberger said she is trying to find a martial arts instructor who can accommodate Teddy’s current interest in karate. He also is fascinated by astronauts and would like her to decorate their house in a space travel theme.

Being proactive in seeking the support and assistance they needed has been key to helping Teddy live a full and satisfying life, Sullenberger said.

She and her late husband, Charles, first sought assistance through Westmoreland Casemanagement and Supports. Teddy attended Westmoreland Intermediate Unit classes until he was 21. These days, he has weekday outings with individual caregivers.

When Sullenberger sings in the choir at Covenant Presbyterian Church in Ligonier, Teddy sits in the front pew and “directs,” wearing sparkly, silver, Michael Jackson-style gloves. Everyone from the choir director to the pastor to the congregation has been very welcoming to him, she said.

Sullenberger has support from Teddy’s two brothers and two stepbrothers, children from her husband’s first marriage. They have a care plan in place, if or when she isn’t able to care for him any longer.

The sense of acceptance in the community and knowing that help is available have been important to them, Sullenberger said. It’s the message she would like to share with other special-needs families.

“There’s help out there,” she said. “You don’t have to do it alone.”

Kate Bielak, Harrison

Kate Bielak faced personal struggles on her road to motherhood.

Bielak, 45, experienced infertility issues and relied on fertility treatments to help conceive all of her children.

“I’ve wanted to be a mom my entire life,” Bielak said.

She grew up moving around “everywhere” and experienced a military lifestyle, compliments of her father, retired Col. James Nemec.

After graduating from the ROTC program and earning a bachelor’s in science at Gannon University, Bielak served for five years as an Army officer in the Military Police Corps.

These days, she is married to Steve Bielak, a teacher, and has four children ages 11 to 19.

Bielak’s patriotism is paramount, and her children participate in an annual flag tribute run, the 9-11 Moving Flag Tribute.

She formed Team Red, White and Blue National and serves as the Western Pennsylvania Chapter Team Captain.

The Sept. 11 run honors the victims of 9/11.

A homemaker, Bielak works as a caregiver for numerous children at her residence.

“I call myself a stay-at-home mom of other people’s babies,” Bielak joked.

Although she operates her household with military-influenced precision and discipline, she stressed the importance of having fun.

“Singing and dancing with my kids — that’s always a fave mom memory,” Bielak said.

Her parenting rule book has one key ingredient: consistency.

“Parents must keep discipline consistent to make their own lives easier and help prepare kids for life,” Bielak said.

Her mom mantra mixes affection with the realities of motherhood.

“They may not always like me, but they will always know I love them,” she said.

Son Chaz, a fifth grader in the Highlands School District, said his mom is caring.

“She always helps us keep our heads up if we have a bad game or something. She’s always nice to other people and tries to help them in bad situations,” he said.

Whether it’s shoveling snow for neighbors or fetching the newspaper from the street to a neighbor’s front door, Bielak exudes selflessness, her children said.

“She’s always going out of her way to help others and has taught me to be the same way,” said Trent Bielak, 19, a freshman at the University of Pittsburgh.

Bielak said new mothers should stop to savor the moments with their babies.

“Enjoy every second and ask others for advice, but don’t always take it,” she said.

Ebony Hobdy, Penn Hills

Penn Hills resident Ebony Hobdy relies on faith, family and friends to stay strong for her children.

The mother of four is coming up on a tragic anniversary: May 23 marks one year since the shooting death of her oldest son, Darin Hobdy.

The 17-year-old was killed on Vantine Street in Wilkinsburg.

Two men await an August jury trial in Allegheny County court. One is charged with homicide. The other faces a count of criminal conspiracy engaging in criminal homicide.

“I’m trying to get my life back together — some sense of normalcy after my son’s passing,” Hobdy said. “He was a jokester. He played basketball for a little while. That was his main thing. He was a drawer. He was an upcoming rapper. He was a teenager, but he was a good kid.”

She talks about him every day with her other children: Jayla, 16, Malayah, 7, and Jayden, 3.

“We do talk to each other,” Hobdy said. “We hug each other when one is crying, when one is missing him. We talk about him all the time. Some days, it feels like he’s still here — like he’s not gone at all, but sometimes it does feel like that.”

A member of Baptist Temple Church in Homewood, the former home health care practitioner said she is not religious but rather spiritual.

“Without God, I wouldn’t be here,” she said. “I would not be mentally or physically here. The only hobby I have is being a better Ebony than I was the day before.”

Hobdy, 41, graduated from Penn Hills High School in 1998. She studied business management at the former Bradford School in Pittsburgh before pursuing a career in health care.

The certified nursing assistant spent 10 years in the homes of others taking care of people.

She credits her grandparents, Thelma and Clyde Allen, for instilling compassion and equipping her with various life skills that helped in her professional and personal life.

“I am very compassionate toward people,” Hobdy said. “(Grandpa) always told me, ‘When I have children, I’ll know what he’s talking about.’ ”

Her grandmother stressed self-reliance and responsibility.

“What she always told me the most was, ‘Don’t let no one run me, whether it’s a man, woman or child.’ They taught me life skills.”

Hobdy is exploring the return to nursing school and started a relationship with a longtime friend earlier this year. She said he has been a real support to her and her family.

How does she do it?

“Just take it one day at a time,” she said. “Eventually, you will manage it better. It certainly doesn’t go away.”

Joanna Potter, Leechburg

It was love at first sew for Joanna Potter.

Now 34, she was 10 when her mother allowed her to use the family sewing machine.

She started a home sewing/alterations business, Kiski Traditions Custom Sewing, during the pandemic, specializing in girls’ and women’s formal wear.

“I love altering all of the beautiful dresses and helping people feel confident and pretty in their clothes,” said Potter, who hails from Hillsboro, Wis.

She is married to Jonathan, pastor of First Baptist Church in Leechburg. The couple have three children: Quentin, 8, Elena, 6, and Colin, 4.

“I absolutely love sitting on the couch reading to and with my kids every day while we home-school,” Potter said.

With a degree in English from Maranatha Baptist University in Wisconsin, Potter tackles home-schooling teaching duties like a pro.

She also volunteers as a pianist and teacher at First Baptist Church.

Potter credits her good time management and organizational skills as traits necessary for her busy mom life.

“No one really has the slightest idea what they’re doing as a mom; some moms are just better at faking it than others,” Potter said.

Sheila Cueller-Shaffer, Hempfield

One way that 11-year-old Maximilian Shaffer reaps the benefits of his mother’s Colombian heritage is through her cooking.

“Since he was little, I made a point to make Latin American food, so he gets to try a lot of different things,” said Sheila Cuellar-Shaffer, an artist who immigrated to the United States in 1999.

Some of Maximilian’s favorites are rice and black beans and two plantain-based dishes, patacones and maduritos.

“They’re so good,” he said.

But there’s more to the story than food.

Cuellar-Shaffer came to the United States in 1999, settling in Miami, where she met her husband, Adam Shaffer. After marrying there in 2004, the couple settled in Shaffer’s native Hempfield.

He is the general manager of the Washington (Pa.) Symphony Orchestra, and she is a visual artist whose work explores identity, diversity, human rights and her own history. An exhibition of her paintings, “Creation out of Chaos,” showed in 2021 at The Westmoreland Museum of American Art in Greensburg.

“I always told (Maximilian) that I grew up in Colombia, and I came here because of the violence there,” Cuellar-Shaffer said. “I try to teach him a lot about Colombia and how grateful I am that I grew up there — and also how grateful I am to be here in a country that opened its doors to me to start a new life here.”

Cuellar-Shaffer often speaks Spanish to her son, a fifth grader at Fort Allen Elementary School in the Hempfield Area School District. He also attends a program for bilingual kids offered by the Carnegie Mellon University foreign language department.

“I wouldn’t say I’m bilingual. I’d say I’m more like 1½-lingual,” Maximilian said. “I can understand (Spanish), and I can speak enough to communicate. I can read it a bit, and I can write a few words.”

It’s important for him to understand Spanish for holiday and summer trips to Miami, where many of Cuellar-Shaffer’s relatives live.

During visits with relatives, mother and son often do arts and crafts projects with Cuellar-Shaffer’s grandmother. Those sessions inspired Maximilian to do a Colombian-themed project of his own.

“I’m making my own Pokemon game concept and region based on Colombian culture and nature,” he said. “I haven’t really worked on the actual region, but I’ve been basing a lot of the Pokemon off of Colombian animals.”

Of Maximilian’s interest in his Colombian heritage, Cuellar-Shaffer said, “I really, really love it. I think it’s really important that he knows my history and that he’s exposed to these things, that he visits the family and that he knows more Latin American people here.”