Neighbor Spotlight: Pine woman’s book aims to help families tame kids’ compulsion for tech

Editor’s note: Neighbor Spotlight is a monthly feature that aims to let our readers learn more about the people in their communities who are working to make them a better place, who have interesting stories to tell or who the community feels deserve “15 minutes of fame.” If you would like to nominate someone as a Neighbor Spotlight, see pinecreekjournal.com, select the “Post Story” button in the upper right corner and complete the form to publish your nomination. Questions? Email Neighborhood News Network editor Katie Green at kgreen@triblive.com.

Christina Avallone acknowledges the irony of relying heavily on technology to promote and sell a book about its dangers.

But the Gibsonia woman isn’t on a mission to get people to ditch their smartphones.

The goal of her new book, “Thriving in a Digital World: A Workable Plan for Taking Back the Reins of your Family,” is to help them find ways to balance technology with family life.

“I’m not at all against technology,” she said. “I mean, hear I am talking on a smartphone and using social media and other technology to promote a book about not using it. What I’m against is the misuse and overuse of technology.”

Avallone, who left a successful career to raise her now adult children, said the immense intrusion of technology became clear to her during a simple stroll.

“I was walking in a park remembering how I used to take my children out in their strollers and we’d talk about the birds and the ducks or whatever,” she said. “But what I was seeing now is that all the kids have a device, the parents have a device and there’s basically no conversation going on between them.”

After learning that friends, family members and even the pastor of her church were concerned about the rising impact on family life from the increased use of technology, Avallone began teaching an eight-week class called “Parenting in a Digital World,” which was attended by more than 550 people.

“One of the women who attended the class said her young son was physically abusive toward her when she tried to limit his time playing video games,” she said. “Many of the people were discouraged about what they were experiencing. But my message is one of hope, and they left empowered and encouraged to make the changes they needed to make.”

For Avallone, that means putting technology in its place by setting boundaries.

She said families can regain control by creating and enforcing rules such as limiting the use of technology during meals, requiring that devices be left in another room at bedtime and setting time limits for how long kids can use their devices.

“Meals should be a sacred time where you’re sitting around, eye-to-eye, holding conversations,” she said. “It’s not the time to be staring down at your phone.”

Setting alarms on devices to signal when a child’s time is up can be a useful tool to keep parents from from”being the bad guy” when it’s time to log off, she said.

Parents also should stress “digital etiquette” and not allow kids to use devices while conversing with others, she said.

“My issue is, how do we get ahead of it?” Avallone said. “The answer is, one person at a time.”

She said one of the most frustrating things is when children fiddle with their phones while having face-to-face conversations.

“When your child is busy on their device while they’re speaking with you, just stand silent,” she said. ” If they insist that they can do both, tell them that we all can, but when we do, we’re not successful at either because we’re giving half our attention to both things.”

Erica Higginbotham of Cranberry said she attended Avallone’s classes to learn how to deal with what she feels is an alarming attachment to technology by some of the sixth grade students she teaches in the North Allegheny School District.

While technology is recognized as a critical teaching tool and she supports the district’s priority to provide every student with a device, Higginbotham is concerned about what kids are doing when they’re on their own.

“I’m worried about the constant need for entertainment,” she said. “Some kids can’t walk into a classroom and not be on their phones.”

She said many children and their parents appear to “have no realization” of what kids are being exposed to when they engage in social media.

“I think they learn too much at a young age,” she said. “I’ve seen a lot of comments that, in my opinion, are inappropriate for an 11 or 12 year old. So parents are obviously not monitoring their child’s device as well as they should be.”

Avallone’s classes and book also address the physical harm to a child’s eyesight and brain function from the overuse of computer devices along with the psychological harm some suffer.

“One of the videos we refer to in the class is about a girl who has thousands of friends online but not one single person-to-person friend,” she said. “Social media can make you feel like you have friends, but when you want to go out and do something, you have nobody. So anxiety goes up along with depression and increases in the suicide rate.”

Avallone said while her goal is to provide families with the tools they need to make changes, she concedes that she is just as much to blame as others parents for allowing technology to rule their lives.

But that doesn’t mean it’s too late to reverse course.

“We didn’t know that when we gave our kids devices it would turn into a problem. But we know now,” she said. “I gave my kids a phone without the etiquette being taught, without the boundaries. And then I had to back peddle and take the reins back, which is better than sticking with something that isn’t working.”

“Thriving in a Digital World: A Workable Plan for Taking Back the Reins of your Family” is available on Amazon and Westbow Press as well as at local retailers Riverstone Books in McCandless Crossing, Little Green Bookstore in Harmony and Completely Booked in Murrysville.