More than 200 people gather to remember loved ones at 30th Light of Love event

Nearly a year after his mother, Rose Pirollo, died on Christmas Day, Chris Pirollo of Penn Hills attended Soxman Funeral Homes’ Light of Love memorial program for the first time.

He wasn’t sure what to expect, but he walked away feeling it was a “wonderful, elegant, tasteful celebration of remembrance.”

“This was a fantastic ceremony. I’ve never seen anything like it. I’m not sure what other funeral homes do this, but it’s just a continuation of the wonderful service that we received from Soxman,” Pirollo said.

More than 200 community members gathered Dec. 3 at Unity Community Church in Plum for the 30th Light of Love event to remember loved ones who died over the past year.

Attendees heard opening and closing prayers from Sister Lynn Miller of the Sisters of St. Joseph of Baden and The Rev. Tim Williams of Penn Hills Baptist Church, respectively, watched a presentation of the colors by the American Legion Post 980 Honor Guard of Plum, heard from guest speaker Jill Fischer and lit candles in honor of their loved ones.

Soxman co-owner Anna Nesbit said people assume their funeral home services end when the funeral is over, but that isn’t the case. With a “robust aftercare program” and events like Light of Love, she said Soxman’s staff members strive to make the funeral home “a place that you think about beyond just something sad and a place you want to avoid.”

“We do follow up with families,” Nesbit said. “We want them to know that we are still thinking about them even after the services have concluded.”

Guest speaker Fischer, a clinical psychologist and co-owner of Integrity Psychological Services, said grieving during the holidays can add even more complication to the grieving process.

“The holidays are seen as happiness and joy and celebration, and it is really hard to feel like you’re not dampening the party or disappointing people,” she said. “If you’re not feeling happy or joyous or celebratory, it’s a really hard place to be.”

Fischer said she treasures the Light of Love event every year because it’s important for those grieving the death of a loved one to have a ritual or memorial to “mark that this year is different.”

“Let go of all of the stuff in your head around plans and logistics and holidays,” Fischer said. “Really give yourself the opportunity to just sit with your feelings, because that’s really what grief is, is feelings.”

When confronting grief, some may think of the Kübler-Ross model, also known as the stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. This model for understanding grief was popularized by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book “On Death and Dying.”

According to Fischer, this model now is considered outdated and inaccurate by the psychological community, and people’s misconceptions based on the model can get in the way of processing their grief.

“Those are really defense mechanisms and were developed in a really different way, but it doesn’t apply,” Fischer said. “Unfortunately, a lot of people think it does, and then they judge their own grief. So anything you’ve heard about the stages of grief, you can set aside and not worry about.”

Fischer said while there are no right or wrong ways to grieve and it’s OK to want to be alone for the holidays, it’s wise for grieving people to have a backup plan as they work through the pain of grief.

“I just recommend that if you decide to be alone, just have a backup plan. Have a friend, someone who knows what you’re doing, in case it’s lonelier than you thought,” she said.

Soxman clients weren’t the only ones mourning at this year’s event. McKenna Swartzwelder, funeral director at Soxman, lit a candle for her great uncle, Charles Swartzwelder.

“Our whole family is extremely close. I grew up with him, and he was a massive part of our lives,” Swartzwelder said. “He’s kind of the first big family member that I’ve ever lost.”

Swartzwelder said it was “heartwarming” to see so many families she and the rest of the staff have served throughout the year and “bittersweet” to be in their shoes.

The late Thomas Soxman founded Soxman Funeral Homes in 1992 and started the Light of Love memorial program in 1995, according to Nesbit. Now, his son, co-owner Brian Soxman, continues the tradition.