The youngest of Michael DeFalco’s three sons, whose name was Dominic but everybody knew as “Nico,” was 17 when he died in an ATV accident on April 5, 2020.
DeFalco, of Allegheny Township, said his wife, Melissa, was never the same without Dominic. When she died just over a year later, on April 29, 2021, at the age of 51, he said it was from a broken heart.
After his wife’s death, DeFalco, 53, found his way to a support group in New Kensington run by Amber Husar, a bereavement coordinator with Heritage Hospice.
“I look forward to going to her meetings because we talk about our feelings,” he said. “Sometimes tears are shed, but it’s like a cleansing. We’re all there for each other. We reach out to each other.
“It calms the soul.”
The monthly in-person meetings stopped in March 2020 because of the covid pandemic, and resumed in October. Before the shutdown, Husar said, between 10 and 20 people would attend; since resuming, there has been only a few.
Husar, who started as bereavement coordinator at Heritage in November 2020, believes many people don’t know the meetings are being held.
“I would love to get more people to attend,” said Husar, who has worked in hospice for 23 years. “I know they’re out there.”
When the meetings were not being held, Husar said she was calling people to offer one-on-one support but didn’t feel it was as effective. She has two volunteers who help.
“People need to be together. It’s human nature for people to gather,” she said. “A lot of the elderly people being in isolation complicated their grief so much more.
“I feel that they need to come together,” she said. “It’s time that we all can support each other.”
The free meetings are held from 6 to 7:30 p.m. on the third Thursday of each month at Heritage Hospice’s New Kensington office, at 2400 Leechburg Road, Building 300. Social distancing is maintained, but masks are now optional.
Because of limited space and distancing, registering in advance is preferred, she said.
“People who have lost a loved one get together, share their stories and help support one another,” Husar said. “It makes them feel like they’re not alone in their grief.”
Husar said those considering attending can expect to find a safe, supportive and confidential setting where they can share their experiences free of judgment.
“And if they don’t want to talk, they don’t have to talk. They can come, sit and listen,” she said. “People benefit from sharing their stories, and they are comforted by others who are going through the same experiences. Most people leave uplifted.”
DeFalco, who is retired from the Air Force, said he talked despite being nervous.
“I look forward to that time,” he said. “I share my story and we help each other. It helps me just hearing myself talk about it.”
DeFalco said he has asked a friend who lost his own wife to go, but that friend isn’t ready yet.
“You have to be ready to talk about it and share your story,” he said. “You really have to be ready to be in that environment. It takes an emotional toll on you.”
DeFalco said he has learned from the gatherings that everyone deals with grief differently, and how important it is for him to get support from others — even those who are strangers at first. Talks have touched on religion and the afterlife.
“When it comes to the topic of the afterlife, where our loved ones are now, that helps me a lot. It really does,” he said.
He encourages people to come just once to see what it’s like.
“If it’s not for you, you don’t have to come back,” he said. “But, I’d bet they’d be back.”
