When Melissa Hughes’ son, Mason, died by suicide in November 2021, she didn’t know where to turn for help with the grief.
The Derry Township woman eventually found local resources and now helps comfort others who experience the same devastation while keeping her son’s memory alive.
“If I can save one life or change somebody’s mind, then Mason didn’t die in vain,” Hughes said.
Westmoreland County Coroner Tim Carson plans to get information about those types of resources, from support groups to a crisis hotline, into the hands of family survivors in the moments after a death by suicide, which have grown in the county over the past 20 years.
An average of 53 people died by suicide annually between 2012 and 2021 compared with 42 people per year between 2002 and 2011, according to coroner statistics. The highest totals were 61 people in 2016 and 60 people in 2014.
As of Wednesday, there were 59 deaths by suicide in Westmoreland County in 2022. That includes 12 between Nov. 1 and Dec. 21.
“That’s been the most alarming thing for me, being relatively new on the job,” said Carson, who is finishing his first year in the elected position. “The suicide numbers and just seeing what it does to the families.”
He has been working with Ray of Hope, the county’s suicide awareness and prevention task force, to get packets of information for deputy coroners to distribute when they respond to such calls. Heather McLean, president of the task force and outreach coordinator for Mental Health America of Southwestern PA, said she hopes that effort can bring some comfort to families and help them realize they aren’t alone.
“No one can really know the depth of that loss unless they’ve experienced it,” she said.
Hughes remembers her son, who had just bought a home in Derry Borough not far from hers, as a hands-on guy who liked working on cars, motorcycles and ATVs. He had just started a new job. She was blindsided by his death at 24 on Nov. 14, 2021.
“He had the biggest smile, and he was always laughing or joking or telling funny stories,” she said. “He had the best personality.”
The speaking engagements she is involved with through Ray of Hope have been a key outlet in her mission to keep Mason in the forefront while helping others process their loss.
Ray of Hope also is working with the coroner’s office and first responders to create teams that will go to suicide calls and meet with family members. McLean said that could begin next year.
“I wish people that are considering giving up on life know the hardship and the hurt that they cause their loved ones,” Carson said.
Sue Soltis felt that twice. Her sister, Heidi Yahr Sultanov, died by suicide at 43 on June 18, 2001, followed by their mother, Wilma Yahr, 73, on Feb. 11, 2003.
“You get the phone call, and you think this can’t be real,” she said.
Soltis of Derry Township sought help with a support group and began working with Ray of Hope to share her experience with others. She and Hughes agree the stigma surrounding suicide and a hesitancy to talk about the person who is gone need to disappear.
Both women said it is important to them that their loved ones are remembered for their place in the world and the people they were.
That might be a way to make a difference.
“If we want to change the numbers, we have to talk about it,” Soltis said.
