Tips for being an ally during Mental Health Awareness Month

“In life, you’re either heading into a storm, going through a storm or coming out of a storm.”

The pandemic brought that old saying to the forefront, said Rachel Jackson, Excela Health manager of outpatient behavioral health.

“During the pandemic, we’ve certainly seen an increase in anxiety and depression related to isolation, changes in routine, the inability to access the usual forms of support,” she said.

But life’s challenges — both internal and external — didn’t start with the pandemic, and they won’t end when it is over.

“There are a variety of reasons that people seek treatment, and there are a variety of kinds of treatment,” Jackson said. “The majority of people we work with are experiencing a life event they need help working through. Therapy is not always something you need for a lifetime.”

May is Mental Health Awareness Month, making it “a good time to explore ways to support loved ones with mental health-related issues,” Jackson said.

“There’s still stigma attached to mental-health issues. It’s uncomfortable to have these conversations,” she said. “For most people, their hearts are in the right place, but they just don’t know what to do.”

There are signs that the conversations are getting easier to have, said Dr. Alvaro Barriga, a licensed psychologist with Allegheny Health Network.

“Research shows that it’s going better in the younger generation,” he said. “Younger folks seem to be reaching out more for help. It’s not fixed, but it’s moving in the right direction.

“Treatment has become more normalized. As science learns more and more, it becomes more available and more effective,” he said. “There are a lot of organizations that help with messaging and getting the word out that treatment is available and effective.”

For people looking to support others dealing with mental health issues, Barriga offers some tips:

What to do

• Create a safe space — Have a conversation in a comfortable, quiet, private space. Use a calm tone of voice and relaxed body language. Barriga said it’s important to “keep yourself calm. You don’t want to mimic their behavior, you want them to mimic your behavior.”

• Listen empathetically — Use phrases like, “That sounds difficult,” “I’m sorry you are going through this” and “What was that like for you?”

• Offer support — Say, “I’m always here for you” or “Let me know whenever you need to talk.”

• Offer help — Ask, “What do you want/need?” or “What can I do to help?” If a person says they don’t know what they need, Barriga suggests saying, “Let’s sit together and figure it out.”

• Normalize — Confirm that we all need help at times. If it’s a pandemic-related issue, remind the person that they are not alone.

• Praise their courage — “Some things are very hard to share with others. When someone shares difficult information, let them know how brave they are to talk about it,” Barriga said.

• Discuss professional help if they are ready — Ask if they have considered seeking help. Say, “I know some people benefit from professional help” and “I can help you find someone.”

What not to do

• Don’t make it about you — Don’t say, “I’m stressed out, too,” or “Let me tell you about what happened to me.”

• Don’t offer too much advice — Offer advice sparingly and only after letting the person express their pain. Avoid “could have, should have, would have” phrases.

• Don’t be too prying or intrusive — Be curious and concerned, but don’t force them to discuss things they aren’t ready to discuss. In a word, don’t be “nebby,” Barriga said.

• Don’t talk too much, too fast or too loud — That can be overwhelming. Silent pauses in the conversation are fine.

• Don’t criticize, judge, blame or shame — Don’t say things like, “You wouldn’t feel this way if …,” “Lots of people are worse off than you” or “Why aren’t you seeing a therapist/doctor?”

• Don’t be hostile, sarcastic, patronizing or condescending — Don’t refer to a person by their diagnosis. For example, say “person with schizophrenia” instead of “schizophrenic.”

• Don’t use offensive labels like “crazy” or “lazy” — “If I had a quarter for every patient who said they’ve been called ‘crazy’ or lazy,’ I’d be a rich man,” Barriga said.

• Don’t be afraid to ask how bad things have gotten — Don’t avoid the topic of self-harm. It’s OK to ask, “Have you thought about hurting or killing yourself?”

“Don’t worry about putting that idea in their heads,” Barriga said. “That’s not the way it works. They know it exists already. Talking about it actually decreases the likelihood it will happen.”

Take care of yourself

While supporting a loved one through a mental health journey, it’s imperative to have patience and realistic expectations, Jackson said.

“It’s not like the common cold. You can’t just say, give it time and it will go away on its own,” she said. “It takes time and effort.”

It’s also important to practice self-care.

“It’s a challenging and emotionally draining task,” she said. “You can’t put an oxygen mask on someone else if you don’t have your own on.”

Getting help

Where do you go if you need help? You can start with your primary care physician, employee assistance program, insurance company or local mental health clinic.

“A lot of referrals still happen the old-fashioned way, by word of mouth, and internet searches also can help you find a therapist in your area,” Barriga said. “You can go to the ER, with or without insurance, and they cannot deny you service.”

Jackson notes that there is a walk-in crisis response center across the street from Excela Westmoreland Hospital in Greensburg.

“I would call 911 only as a last resort, because it’s probably going to be law enforcement that responds, and they are not always really well-trained in issues of mental health,” Barriga said.

Help also is available 24 hours a day from the Westmoreland County Crisis Hotline at 800-836-6010 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255.