For those fearful of Hitler 2.0, here are some ways to blend in and keep you and your loved ones safe for the next four years:
1. Look patriotic: Wearing a MAGA hat or sporting an American flag will earn the trust of any MAGA Nazi.
2. Check your citizenship status: Can never be too sure these days.
3. Befriend MAGA extremists: Get closer to your MAGA-hat wearing, church-going, beer-chugging, gun-slinging Uncle Larry; he can vouch for your loyalty.
4. Work: Making money and contributing to society unfortunately is the MAGA way.
5. Support the police: Never know when you may need them. Donuts are a great ice-breaker.
6. Watch the movie “The Patriot” starring Mel Gibson: This will enhance your knowledge of American history.
7. Read “Hillbilly Elegy” by JD Vance: This is the Cinderella story of every MAGA extremist.
8. Keep a copy of the Bill of Rights in your home: No one ever reads it, but it looks cool on your wall and will let MAGA know you’re committed.
9. Join a church and a gun club: God and guns go hand in hand. Uncle Larry can help.
10. “God Bless America”: When in doubt, shout this out.
WARNING: Following these steps may result in you loving your country.
Mike McKay
Indiana Township