BREAKING NEWS: Leaked emails from the Supreme Court have revealed the following draft:
Individuals containing a uterus will now be referred to solely as “birthing vessels.” Also, since the Constitution doesn’t mention “women’s rights,” they technically don’t have any, so we had to refer to the Bible. Specifically, Leviticus 15:19-33: “Whenever a woman has her menstrual period, she will be ceremonially unclean for seven days. Anyone who touches her during that time will be unclean until evening.”
So, individuals with a uterus who are currently on your periods, first of all, you should be ashamed of yourselves. You dirty, dirty birthing vessels. Pack your overnight bags and your tampons. You’re sleeping in the shed tonight. Unless you are an unhoused individual with a uterus who is already sleeping in a shed. In that case, please clean up your space and go. Somewhere where we can’t see you. Thank you.
Christine Snyder
Penn Township, Westmoreland County