Letter to the editor: Pandemic's wizarding troubles

Wizardry can be frustrating during a pandemic. People go into a trance watching the evening news, and forget to do their incantations. Next thing you know, extra-normal relationships suffer.

People are reporting problems with the divinitory process. It’s more hectic than ever since masking and booster shots. Try laying out tarot cards with a sore arm. Or sitting six feet apart at a seance. That can prevent good connecting with the spirit world. And the wrong kind of disinfectant can throw your ouija board off kilter. Half the time you can’t tell if Elvis entered the building, or if it’s some stupid impersonator.

Last night I put dry chicken bones in a soup can, threw ‘em down on the Formica, and went to work on this sorry state of affairs. The spell was reasonable; there appears to be a massive human relations crisis pervading our formerly giddy United States. A chatty wishbone was saying people should ease up on polemics between the political left and right, get happy and cultivate transcendental conflict resolution skills. I know we can be talismanic together.

Bruce Reisner

Perry South