Lori Falce: Holding our friends responsible is maybe more important than calling out enemies

It is not just easy to criticize those with whom we disagree. It can also be deeply enjoyable.

It’s part of what makes social media so addictive. It feeds that spot in our brain where we all have the capacity to be, bluntly, awful.

We turn it toward our opponents rather than our allies. It’s understandable. We want to give grace to those on our side. However, we have no such understanding for our enemies.

Let’s look at the Virginia attorney general’s race.

Jay Jones is the Democrat running for the office. It’s a consequential contest, pitting him against incumbent Republican Jason Miyares. Jones has a “solid lead,” according to Newsweek. Or he did until some 2022 text messages emerged in which Jones used violent language directed at the Republican speaker of the Virginia state House, even targeting his children.

It is unsurprising that Vice President JD Vance and President Donald Trump, plus others in the GOP, have been outraged. Many have called for him to withdraw from the race. Democrats, however, while criticizing him, have stopped short of asking him to step aside.

Meanwhile, another blowup is happening in California. Gubernatorial candidate Katie Porter is a former Democratic congresswoman who lost the 2024 bid for Dianne Feinstein’s former seat to fellow Democrat and now-Sen. Adam Schiff.

Porter has been a favorite in the 2026 statewide race to replace term- limited Gov. Gavin Newsom. But that has been thrown a curve this week with a testy, derisive exchange with a local CBS reporter. Among other points, the reporter asked Porter how she would win California’s Trump voters.

“How would I need them in order to win?” Porter said.

That was followed up by Politico unearthing a 2021 video of Porter shouting obscenities at a staffer. It’s been a rough few days. Porter has faced shock and criticism from both sides of the aisle.

Anyone can critique either of these, but harsh words from Republicans are to be expected. It’s the same when Democrats point and laugh or gasp and clutch their pearls when someone from the Trump administration or a prominent red-stater does something cruel or in bad taste.

But what is necessary is that Democrats hold their own to account — just as Republicans should be doing on their side.

A large part of how we have gotten to this polarized place in our government is an unconstitutional decision by those in power to put party ahead of responsibility.

It should not matter whether an elected official is a Democrat or a Republican if that person does something that is against the law, moral decency or the respect of the position.

No, in fact, that’s not true. It should matter more to that person’s party than to their opponents. We should not have to wait for enough Democrats to hold their own to account or count up the votes to see if enough Republicans will call for one of theirs to be taken down as the other side howls for blood.

Too seldom today we see the respect for the people and the position that led to Republicans to ask Richard Nixon to step down from the presidency or the outrage that led to Democrat Al Franken leaving the Senate.

Like in a scary movie, the call should be coming from inside the house.

We cannot just pop popcorn and scorn the bad deeds of others while ignoring what is happening with our own side. That makes us all complicit in whatever behavior occurs on our respective teams — and it makes it easier for that behavior to continue.