The holiday season is here, and many are still searching for the perfect gifts for those special people in their lives. It may be a child or grandchild who means much to you, a friend who has been there for you during difficult times or a spouse who has the capacity to do just the right thing at the right time. Finding the perfect gift is one way of saying thank you, that you matter in our life, and that we appreciate you.
Gifts that are things bought certainly bring an instant reaction of appreciation. Yet with time, their novelty may fade with the memory from when it was received.
So what are the perfect gifts? Can they be delivered by Amazon, or picked up at the mall?
The perfect gift, no matter what form it takes, must include time and the experiences that people share with such time.
The hottest toys may produce gleeful exuberance when unwrapped by a child on Christmas morning. Yet it is the experience of being with those we love to unwrap such gifts that creates the indelible memory that will last long beyond the novelty and interest in the toy that inevitably fades away.
I cannot remember any of the toys that my parents purchased and gave me when I was a child. I can however still remember when my father took the time to play catch with me, even the details of the park where we did this. Such memories embodied an experience that continues to bring joy after all these years.
The price of giving time and experience is often far greater than using our credit or debit card to buy “stuff.” Such purchases are easy to make, and marketing spin gives us a wide swath of choices. Retailers understand this. They rely on the five weeks of holiday shopping to keep their doors open, given that a sizeable fraction of their yearly sales come during the holiday shopping season.
This does not mean that all purchases are bad. To the contrary, thoughtful gifts blended with timely experiences amplify the impact of such giving. As with my time spent playing catch with my father, we needed a ball and mitt to facilitate this experience, items that he took the time to buy for me.
So what can we do to make every holiday gift the perfect gift?
If you are inclined to buy a physical gift, wrap it around a memorable experience. If your wife must have that pearl necklace, add to it an event where she can wear it for the first time, and perhaps many times afterward. If your husband has his eye on a new sports equipment, make the time to be there with him when he uses it for the first time.
Some may even decide not to add to their credit card balance, skipping the item entirely and focus purely on the gift of time and experience. A brisk hike in the woods or a walk in the park can create an experience that will be remembered, especially if it is something that is not common for you and the person you are gifting to.
Taking care of tasks around the house can be a gift that will be remembered all year round. Even an expression of gratitude and the words “thank you” to those who we are prone to take for granted throughout the year can go a long way to helping people feel appreciated. Perhaps it is not by chance that the holiday season begins with Thanksgiving.
The holidays are a time to reflect on where we have been over the past year, and perhaps more importantly, where we are heading over the next year. Using this time to begin plans for changes in our life that can make us a better spouse, partner, parent and employee will pay dividends not only for ourselves, but in the relationships that we have with the people around us.
Ironically, the gifts of time and experience, though they often cost little, are also the most difficult to give. They often require us to let down our guard and become real. They force us to show our vulnerabilities and connect with people on a visceral level. Spending money by comparison is far easier and often allows companies and marketing to direct our purchases. Giving time and experience demands thoughtful reflection and our presence.
When my wife and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary, I composed a song for her. Our shared experience with the song continues to bring fond memories.
Though most people will opt to buy gifts for those on their holiday shopping list, those who make the effort to step out of their comfort zone by giving their time and creating experiences will discover a reward that will keep giving throughout the year.
Sheldon H. Jacobson is a computer science professor at the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign.
