Our resumes promise perfection. Our “For You” pages guide us. Our ultra-connected generation drowns in a sea of unoriginality as we chase trends to fit in. We sacrifice genuine self-expression for digital status, searching for individuality in a conformed society.

When I traveled to Italy last spring, I mapped the perfect itinerary. TikTok’s viral “must-see” recommendations shaped it all: the little leather shop that customizes bags, the most famous sandwich shop in Florence, the ideal sunset point on Lake Como, and a stop-by-stop wine window map. I organized my schedule, shared it with friends and followed my algorithm across Europe. TikTok failed to mention the three-hour, stand-still line in the scorching leather shop or the overpriced Aperol spritz sold at every wine window.

Why did I keep following this failing schedule? The hours of waiting and overpriced drinks felt safer than confronting my real fear.

What if I miss out?

The need for inclusion drives this anxiety. A trend provides a safe, ready-made identity. By posting at every viral spot and buying my own Italian leather bag, I signaled, “I’m here, doing all the things everyone else loves!”

As I reflect, the stories I cherish aren’t the ones at the viral spots; they arise from spur-of-the-moment plans that became irreproducible memories.

This reveals the core truth of our digital lives: performative trends stifle authentic experiences. The cost of this pursuit slowly erodes our identities. The wine windows and sunset photos revolved around output. I valued content more than experience. The genuine moment arrived later, when I wandered down a side street, found a tiny café where no one spoke English, and devoured the most delicious, unphotogenic slice of pizza while savoring homemade limoncello.

The core issue is that genuine moments — the real, immediate feeling — cannot compete with the anxiety of a camera. The performer replaces personal reality with a filtered, curated image to fit a square frame. We train ourselves to choose the shareable major, the photogenic job, the impressive path, rather than embrace our quiet, private interests.

We’re trading individuality for virality, and our virality for lost individuality.

Critics argue that this reflects normal youthful anxiety and that trends have always existed. Some claim algorithms help us discover opportunities faster. However, the speed and reach of today’s trends inflict far more psychological harm than benefit. Research shows anxiety and depression levels have surged 70% over the past 25 years, driven by social media and constant comparison.

Genuine self-discovery demands mistakes, failures and hidden passions. This messy middle ground goes unposted. If every journey optimizes instantly and millions judge it, we destroy the ability to fail productively. This relentless pressure to maintain performative success fosters self-abandonment; we constantly compare ourselves to what we could be instead of embracing where we actually stand.

It’s time to counter performative, trend-driven culture. The work we pursue when no one is watching paves the way to self-discovery. Dedicate yourself to a quiet passion: pick a new book, frequent a local coffee shop or practice a hobby that carries no social capital. Immerse yourself fully. Make it yours. But don’t post it. This practice separates experience from reward. When we genuinely enjoy something, we don’t photograph, hashtag or share. Love for the moment sustains itself; the reward remains internal.

This frees us to choose that messy middle ground; to grow without external validation or comparison. Imagine meeting an old friend for dinner and sharing hobbies and experiences they’ve never seen online. We preserve our identities when we reclaim the richness of our own experiences rather than chasing trending topics. Performative comfort tempts, but steady authenticity prevails.

Zoey Mundorff of Finleyville is a student majoring in chemical engineering at Penn State.

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