Mark Madden: All aboard the Paul Skenes hype train

As we count down the minutes (seconds!) to Paul Skenes’ MLB/Pirates debut Saturday, I’m rooting for no middle ground.

I don’t want six innings, five hits, two earned runs and six strikeouts. That’s pretty good, but you can’t hype that.

I want six innings, one hit, no runs and 12 strikeouts. Standing ovation for Skenes.

Or I want Skenes to give up seven hits and four earned runs in 1 2/3 innings. Maybe Chicago hits a couple bombs. Skenes leaves the mound with his elbow twitching a bit. Sellout crowd at PNC Park holds its breath.

Maybe Skenes should drill the first batter. Make ’em think he’s nuts.

Skenes has generated crazy hype so far. I don’t want the hype to ever stop. It’s fun.

I’m betting on great results. Skenes is a prodigious talent. His stuff figures to overwhelm at the big-league level like it did at Triple-A Indianapolis. Skenes has four legit pitches. Ninety-eight of the 422 pitches he threw at Indy eclipsed 100 mph.

Skenes will sell tickets. (It stinks to see owner Bob Nutting benefit.)

Skenes will turn heads and manufacture headlines.

Skenes has a beautiful, famous girlfriend and a great ’80s porn mustache. (Do any big-time athletes ever date uggos?)

But how much will Skenes impact winning?

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Will the Pirates hit for Skenes? Going into Thursday’s off day, the Pirates had scored in just eight of their last 89 innings at bat.

Will the bullpen hold leads?

The biggest sources of Pirates optimism are Skenes’ callup and the ascension of rotation mate Jared Jones.

But those two will combine to pitch no more than 18 innings most weeks.

Skenes might be one of MLB’s best pitchers from the minute he takes the field Saturday.

But he’s only one guy.

Skenes won’t get the Pirates in the playoffs. Not this year. Probably not above .500, either. (Once he gets to 150 innings or so, Skenes likely gets shut down. That’s regardless of where the Pirates are in the standings.)

Skenes has incredible value promotionally. More than he has on the mound.

Skenes’ arrival feels like Day 1 for the Pirates. A re-set. A new beginning for a crappy franchise.

That should be a team slogan: “A new beginning for a crappy franchise.” Put it on T-shirts.

The Skenes debut isn’t the most significant in Pittsburgh sports history. That would be Mario Lemieux’s, because it literally saved the Penguins. Kept them in Pittsburgh. The Pirates aren’t great now, but the Penguins were rock bottom in 1984.

We didn’t have social media when Lemieux arrived. We weren’t able to see endless video of Lemieux playing Major Junior. The lid got kept on organically.

Skenes is all Pittsburgh is talking about. It’s everywhere. We know exactly what he is.

Skenes offers a rare, legitimate ray of hope for the Pirates. Everybody is thirsty. So let the good times roll every fifth day, or sixth, for 70 pitches or so, or until his elbow falls off.

Pitchers get their arms protected fanatically these days, yet there’s more arm trouble than ever.

When Mitch Keller pitched a complete game Monday night, I expected him to celebrate like Don Larsen after his perfect game in the 1956 World Series, then get rushed immediately to intensive care.