Mark Madden: Some advice for Eddie Faulkner in his Steelers coordinator debut

New Pittsburgh Steelers offensive coordinator Eddie Faulkner has blocked much of the local media on X/Twitter. But he hasn’t yet blocked me.

So I must be doing something right.

It’s in the spirit of that unsteady alliance that I offer Faulkner the following advice: NO JET SWEEPS. Don’t call any. Not one.

That’s the signature failure play (above all but among many) of Faulkner’s predecessor, Matt Canada. Faulkner shouldn’t do anything remotely identified with Canada.

Canada’s dismissal caused mass celebration among the citizens, hope renewed as they head to make minimum wage working at the convenience store.

One local radio station made a promo of their morning hosts celebrating jubilantly at the precise moment they learned about Canada’s dismissal. One was a former pro football player who got cut so many times it’s a wonder he didn’t bleed to death. Guess he forgot what it feels like.

I’ve never been one to indulge schadenfreude, unless it’s the Philadelphia Flyers. Or most of the Premier League. Or Pitt under Pat Narduzzi. Or what happens at Creepy Valley. Oh, heck, I do it all the time. Make a promo out of that.

As previously mentioned in this space but embellished now, Canada’s dismissal can’t be argued. The offensive numbers don’t lie, and the eye test was a sharp stick in the cornea.

But very little about the offense will change. Except maybe no jet sweeps, if Faulkner reads and heeds this. (He’ll probably block me at game time, then run jet sweep-jet sweep-incompletion-punt on the Steelers’ first offensive series.)

I’m not sure how Faulkner is the offensive coordinator, but Mike Sullivan calls the plays. Who gets final say? Will delay-of-game penalties be incurred when they debate decisions too long? Will they need to seek counseling at some point? “I thought we were in the trust tree, in the nest. Are we not?”

Faulkner is still the running backs coach, Sullivan the quarterbacks coach. That could cause conflict: “Why did your running back bounce outside and get himself in trouble?” “Why can’t your quarterback hit the broad side of a barn with his passes?”

Both would be right, of course, but choosing this undeniably awkward situation added zero payroll. Let’s not lose sight of what’s important: cheap, cheaper, cheapest.

Then, after the season, ex-Steelers quarterback Byron Leftwich gets hired as offensive coordinator. #BuddySystem

Leftwich checks a lot of boxes: He’s got a minimal resume, he has a connection to the Steelers, the Steelers invented the Rooney Rule and he’s African American.

The Rooney Rule should be favorably considered, the prior factors not at all.

If it were left to me, I’d rule out hiring anybody who played for the Steelers, coached or coaches for the Steelers, was born in Pittsburgh, lived in Pittsburgh, played or coached at Pitt, texted Mike Tomlin or is related to/friends with anyone connected to any of the above.

Go as far outside the organization as possible. Get an up-and-coming offensive wizard or a credible, experienced name with a solid CV.

This hire should have ideas that pass for 300 yards, get 400 total yards and win the game by more than one score, and before the fourth quarter. The new offensive coordinator should have autonomy. Score more and faster like the rest of the NFL.

That probably requires a better quarterback. So go get one.

Meantime, the Steelers need to win at Cincinnati on Sunday.

It’s odd when a team’s season feels like it’s on the brink of collapse even as it’s currently in a playoff spot. But that’s where the Steelers find themselves.

If you yearn for a postseason berth and being down by 20 at halftime of the AFC wild-card game to Kansas City or Miami, this game is must-win.

If the Steelers lose, they’re last in the AFC North and have retreated to the chasing pack: The Bengals, Buffalo, Indianapolis and Denver have five losses each.

I’m not worried.

I’ve got no doubt that my X/Twitter buddy Coach Faulkner will come through.