Mark Madden: Super-size athletes can make extra large impact

Fat has come to the forefront of the Pittsburgh sports scene.

Excuse me, did I say fat? I meant to say beefy, big-boned, heavyset, stocky or any of the other terms that patronizingly substitute but are no less aggravating to us fatsos.

The Pittsburgh athlete who recently made fat where it’s at is Steelers running back Najee Harris.

Harris berated the local Steelers media thusly: “Y’all making it seem like I’m fat as hell.”

Not true. Harris is 244 pounds, but it’s mostly not fat. Harris is stout. (There’s another synonym.)

The Steelers listed Harris at 232 last year. He said he was 242.

Harris bristled at being compared to Jerome Bettis, who is listed at a laughable 252 pounds by Pro-Football-Reference.com.

Bettis played 13 NFL seasons. He rushed for 13,662 yards and scored 94 touchdowns. He won a Super Bowl and is in the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

Let’s see if Harris still is compared to Bettis when Harris’ career is over.

Opinions varied on whether Harris was joking or angry when he jousted with the ink-stained wretches and microphone jockeys. One of the media attending described Harris as “irritated,” which seems an accurate unhappy medium. Watching the video, it seems Harris was looking to pick a fight.

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Harris likely has swallowed a lot of aggression. Along with a lot of pizzas.

Harris is anything but fat. He’s just a whole lot of man. He should embrace said description and join the pantheon of great fat athletes.

Shaquille O’Neal is fat. But he could dunk.

John Daly is fat. But he won the PGA Championship and The Open Championship. Daly plays golf wired on cigarettes, Diet Coke and M&M’s.

The late Tony Gwynn was fat. But he hit .338 lifetime.

David Wells is fat. He pitched a perfect game.

I can’t list football linemen as great fat athletes. They’re supposed to be fat.

To most, Babe Ruth wears the crown of greatest fat athlete.

In his prime, though, Ruth was in good shape. But late in his career, the hot dogs and beer added up. The corpulent John Goodman played Ruth in a terribly inaccurate biopic, which beefed up the legend of Ruth’s girth.

The Pirates’ Daniel Vogelbach is the latter-day Ruth. Except for being great at baseball.

Vogelbach is listed at 6-foot, 270 pounds by Pirates.com. He’s three bills, easy.

Vogelbach has seven home runs. Why run when you can jog? (Or walk. Or leave the game for a pinch-runner.)

Vogelbach hit 30 home runs for Seattle in 2019 but just 22 since, which is how he came to be on the Pirates.

Vogelbach looks mean. Like the oversized 12-year-old that dominated Little League, then gave all his smaller teammates wedgies after the game.

This column might seem smarmy and insulting. That’s not the intent.

I weigh 319, down from a career high of 380. The latter weight is where humanity ends and livestock begins.

When Vogelbach goes from first to third, I run out of breath in sympathy. When Casey Hampton failed the run test at Steelers training camp, I collapsed to the ground in solidarity. When Troy Polamalu (not fat) went on his annual weeklong junk-food binge, we discussed his menu beforehand.

The annual Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest takes place July 4. Joey Chestnut set a world record at last year’s event by downing 76.

Chestnut isn’t even fat. Competitive eating is weird. Gluttony should be celebrated for its art, not sheer numbers.

Those participating in the Nathan’s event disassemble the hot dogs and soak the buns in water, which isn’t sporting. That contest should require eating legit hot dogs that contain a minimum of three condiments each, with extra points given for spicy toppings like jalapenos. Down a few beers while you’re at it.