Mark Madden: The chase replaces the catch for the Pirates

ESPN’s Jeff Passan is one of MLB’s most respected journalists.

But most of what he reported about the Pirates this week is totally full of excrement.

Passan knows better. But there’s so little content about a franchise as moribund as the Pirates, so he’ll take what’s leaked.

Even if it’s more hype than fact.

Why would a talented Japanese import pick the Pirates? It’s not because of Pittsburgh’s huge Japanese community, he’d have zero chance to win, and the Pirates certainly won’t pay the most.

But the most hilarious Passan “revelation” is amazingly far-fetched: “Pittsburgh is in on (Kyle) Schwarber.”

The Pirates have zero chance to sign Schwarber in free agency. Less than zero. (But that’s what they said about Robert Downey Jr.)

Passan knows that. Everybody knows that.

But the marks are buying it, not least locally. The Pirates know how to plant empty hype. Passan is a stooge, at least in this instance.

Schwarber, 32, played for Philadelphia last season. He led the National League in home runs and RBIs last season with 56 and 132, respectively. His OPS was .928, second in the NL behind Shohei Ohtani. He finished second in NL MVP voting, also behind Ohtani.

Schwarber likely wants a five-year deal with an average annual value above $30 million.

The Pirates won’t pay that. They won’t give that to Paul Skenes, or anybody.

Even if the Pirates would, another team would offer more. A better team that gives Schwarber a shot at winning. Which the Pirates don’t.

For the Pirates, the chase replaces the catch.

Sure, the Pirates are “in” on Schwarber. Just like Passan reported they were “in” on slugging Seattle first baseman Josh Naylor, who ultimately re-upped with the Mariners.

Seattle gave Naylor a five-year, $92 million contract.

Passan says the Pirates offered Naylor a pact worth $78 million.

Gee, the Pirates just missed. By a mere $14 million. By only 15%.

Is it too cynical to think the Pirates proposed a deal they knew Naylor wouldn’t take for the sake of hype?

That was the most money ever offered to a free agent by the Pirates. Which doesn’t matter one bit unless he accepts.

If Schwarber came to Pittsburgh, it would end the Pirates career of Andrew McCutchen. McCutchen is 39 and, like Schwarber, strictly a DH.

In terms of value for money, the Pirates might see more worth in McCutchen than Schwarber.

McCutchen is cheap, earning just $5 million last season. That’s under 20% of what Schwarber will make, no long-term commitment required, and McCutchen is a popular franchise legend.

It’s amazing what you can make yourself believe when profit is the sole motivator.

Somebody on Twitter said that the Pirates are three bats away from contending.

I agree. Those three bats are Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb and Barry Bonds.

The Pirates won’t spend on any significant free-agent hitters.

But, in theory, there’s logic to pursuing them in numbers. Nobody wants to be the Lamborghini in the trailer park. That’s what Skenes is now.

One report says the Pirates could spend $30 million-plus this offseason. But is that a $30 million-plus increase in payroll, or does that include money recycled from payroll lopped off?

I know how I’m betting.

The Pirates’ biggest free-agent signing last year was outfielder Tommy Pham at one year, $4.025 million. Chump change, and typical.

On Thursday, the Pirates avoided arbitration with outfielder Jack Suwinski, keeping him on a one-year contract worth $1.25 million. In 150 at-bats last season, Suwinski hit .147 with an OPS of .534.

That’s the kind of deal the Pirates are willing to make.

What makes anybody think that owner Bob Nutting would decide to spend now, to try to win now, when the Pirates have already wasted two years of Skenes? When Skenes has just one more season before reaching arbitration, which almost certainly means that 2026 will be his swan song in Pittsburgh.

The Pirates should be covered like they’re a crime syndicate. Nothing they do benefits you.

But didn’t you hear? The Pirates might get Schwarber! Yay, baseball!