We found out Thursday that Metallica is going to headline a concert at PNC Park on Aug. 14. The heavy metal band pumped out its first album in 1983 and has built up quite a library.
So I thought I might help out by suggesting a Pirates-specific set list for their Pittsburgh show this summer.
I assume all these hits will be crowd pleasers. Something that isn’t always the case when the Pirates are playing there.
“Master of Puppets”: For Bob Nutting as he continues to manipulate people into showing up for 23 fireworks nights per year.
“Cyanide”: What most Pirates consider ingesting by mid-June.
“One”: The number of runs I expect the Pirates to score in just about every game.
“Battery”: What Randall Simon did to that sausage in Milwaukee in 2003.
“Confusion”: Will Craig trying to play first base against the Cubs last year.
“The Four Horsemen”: Joe Musgrove, Michael Feliz, Colin Moran and Jason Martin. The four players acquired for Gerrit Cole.
“Am I Evil”: Specific dedication for Jake Arrieta.
“All Nightmare Long”: The 2014 Wild Card Game against the San Francisco Giants.
“My Apocalypse”: What Pirates fans endure every time they see a replay of Sid Bream sliding across home plate in 1992.
“Disposable heroes”: Andrew McCutchen, Gerrit Cole, Neil Walker, Mark Melancon and Starling Marte come to mind.
“Dream no more”: Most Pirates fans stopped dreaming after the Wild Card Game loss to the Chicago Cubs in 2015.
“Escape”: What Barry Bonds did in 1993.
INTERMISSION
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“The Thing That Should Not Be”: The Chris Archer trade.
“Sanitarium”: Where most Pirates fans ended up at some point between 1993 and 2012.
“St. Anger”: The patron saint of baseball fans in Western Pennsylvania.
“For Whom The Bell Tolls”: Josh Bell tolled 27 times and had 88 RBIs for the Washington Nationals last year.
“Wherever I May Roam”: Remembering Gregory Polanco’s route to most fly balls.
“Whiplash”: An injury most Pirates pitchers sustain as they snap their heads around to watch home runs sail over the Clemente Wall.
“Jump in the Fire”: What Derek Shelton did when he decided to take a job managing this God forsaken team.
“Holier Than Thou”: The Pirates fan who calls a postgame talk show after a loss to proclaim he’s never attending another game until Nutting sells the team — then shows up at “Dollar Dog Night.”
ENCORE
“Fade to Black”: The end of the Neal Huntington/Clint Hurdle era.
“Enter Sandman”: What happens to most Pirates fans at PNC Park when their team is trailing 9-2 in the sixth inning.
“The God that Failed”: Well, if God is a Pirates fan, then he has.
