Tim Benz: Forget those other lists and rankings, Steelers fans. Here's one that'll really get you upset

This time of year, Pittsburgh Steelers fans spend a lot of time getting fired up over lists and rankings published by various NFL media entities.

Where Ben Roethlisberger ranks on the list of quarterbacks in the AFC North. Where T.J. Watt stands on the pass rusher rankings. Where Mike Tomlin lands on the list of the best NFL coaches.

And wherever Tomlin is, it’s always “Way too high!” Or it’s ”How could he possibly be that low?”

Never in the middle with ol’ “Coach T,” is it?

I usually get “list fatigue” somewhere around early June, and it usually lasts until the start of preseason when actual games begin again. I rarely get tied in knots during “list season.” I’ll read them. I’ll agree. I’ll disagree. And unless something seems incredibly off to me, I move on without much reaction.

But this list is one worth engaging. This list is one that should make you angry. On this list, the Steelers have been egregiously overlooked, tremendously wronged and massively slighted.

Touchdown Wire (USA Today) came up with a list of the 101 best nicknames in NFL history. See, I told you. This one is important.

Guess how many Steelers made the list. Three!

Yup. That’s it. Three! It’s a crime. There should be an investigation.

“Mean” Joe Greene came in at 75. Jerome “The Bus” Bettis was 36th. And Kordell “Slash” Stewart was 10th.

You can see that Touchdown Wire often tried to match up the ranking with the player’s uniform number whenever possible.

So, with that format in mind, we’ll give you our list of some of the best Steelers nicknames that were grossly ignored by Touchdown Wire.

And I’m sure you’ll give me a fistful that I forgot as well.

3. Jeff “Skippy” Reed: I always think Reed blamed me for this one. A caller to my 105.9 The X show insisted that was his nickname at North Carolina. I asked Reed about it on the record after he signed. He never seemed thrilled about it. That one made it in print a few times and sorta faded away.

6(A). Walter “Bubby” Brister: As quotable as he was inconsistent, “Bubby” never lived up to his low-hanging fruit, down-home Louisiana, Terry Bradshaw comparisons. But he was entertaining nonetheless.

By the way, can you believe he lasted 14 years in the NFL?! Fourteen!

If his name was just “Walt,” do you think we’d even remember him?

6(B). Devlin “Duck” Hodges: Dubbed the “Bubby” of his time, they even wore the same number.

Sadly, Duck’s time was 2019 when the Steelers needed to use three quarterbacks. So he played. Often.

Unfortunately for the Steelers, the comparisons to the Bubster were all too similar once the ball was snapped. At least that was true by the end of that season, after Duck burst onto the scene with much fanfare and some success.

They were both just barely talented enough at times to fool you into thinking they were as good as their nicknames.

7. “Big Ben” Roethlisberger: Too simple? Yeah. I agree. But they put Joe Montana on the list at No. 16 with “Joe Cool.” So “Big Ben” makes the cut.

8. Tommy Maddox (“Tommy Gun”): Jim Kelly made it for “Machine Gun” Kelly. So if that’s good enough, “Tommy Gun” qualifies.

12. Terry Bradshaw (“The Blonde Bomber”): Descriptive. Accurate. Four Super Bowls. Should’ve made the list.

20. Erric Pegram (“The Minivan”): At 5-foot-10 and 195 pounds, a good complement to “The Bus” in Bettis’ first year as a Steeler (1996). Also, I always thought he was a bit underused in 1995.

22. Willie “Big Play” Gay: Rhymes are important. And he did have a knack for scoring whenever he got a turnover.

26. “Hot Rod” Woodson: It’s a fast car. Get it? That one was more a banner at Three Rivers Stadium than a nickname that hit the mark, wasn’t it?

27. Glenn “Knotty Pine” Edwards: I’ve heard it had something to do with his hairstyle. And I’ve heard it had something to do with being as “tough as bark” on that kind of a tree. I defer. Ask J.T. Thomas.

29. Barry “Bananas” Foster: It is a great dessert. However, I wasn’t planning to mention this one until I realized the list had three or four other Chris Berman-esque nicknames, so I dropped it in.

31. Donnie “The Torpedo” Shell: Great nickname. Hall of Fame player. This one should get used more often.

33 (A). Byron “Bam” Morris: Physically descriptive. Good alliteration. Made for a good T-shirt. If only he coulda stayed out of trouble.

33 (B). John William “Frenchy” Fuqua: A reader contribution here. I can’t believe I forgot “Frenchy.” Now give me the names of the goldfish he had swimming in the bottoms of his platform boots and I’ll really be impressed.

34. Tim Lester (“The Bus Driver”): Every good running back needs a good fullback to pave the way.

39. “Fast Willie” Parker: That’s an adjective. Not a nickname. But, well, um … he was pretty fast.

43. Troy Polamalu (“The Tasmanian Devil”): More of a reference to how he played than a nickname that ever stuck. It was accurate. But, c’mon, need we say more than just “Troy”?

45. Chris Fuamatu-Maʻafala (“FU”): Or “Foo” if you prefer. When you think about it, it’s not as hard to say his full last name as it looks. But “FUUUUU” was easier to yell from Section 503.

51. James Farrior (“Potsie”): Apparently, because Farrior had a potbelly as a kid, I guess. And also maybe Mom and Dad liked “Happy Days.”

52. “Iron Mike” Webster: Eh, let’s go with “Webby.” Another Pittsburgh guy, “Iron Mike” Ditka made the list with that name.

53. Dennis “Dirt” Winston: See also Dermontti “Dirt” Dawson.

55 (A). Arthur “Don’t Cross the” Moats: Nice player. Nice guy. Nice nickname.

55 (B). Joey Porter (“Peezy”): The best use of “Peezy” was when it was spray-painted across his personalized Los Angeles Lakers golf cart at Saint Vincent College one summer.

56. Ray “Ranger” Mansfield: Super nickname for a Super Bowl Steeler. And another good suggestion from a reader.

58. “Smilin’ Jack” Lambert: NFL Films also called him “Dracula in Cleats.” Both names were derived from his toothless visage. But I think people were too afraid to use those nicknames around Lambert because if he didn’t like them, he might just kill you.

59. Jack “The Hammer” Ham: Too good of a player for such a lazy nickname.

62. Tunç “Tunch” Ali İlkin: Shortening of a name? Anglicizing a name? Does this count? Doesn’t matter. He’s just “Tunch” to us. And we’re all going to miss him in the booth this year. Keep fighting, Tunch!

63(A). Dermontti “Dirt” Dawson: See also Dennis “Dirt” Winston. I never knew this one. But apparently Dawson was also sometimes called “Ned” after Ned Flanders from “The Simpsons.” But having met Dawson and interviewed him a few times, he really was that friendly and chipper. So, I get it.

63(B). Ernie “Fats” Holmes: His mohawk was even better than his nickname.

66. Alan Faneca (“Red”/“Big Red”): If you have red (or even reddish) hair, you need to be called “Red.” If you are big, like Faneca was, it helps. Those are the rules. I don’t make them up. Even Tyler Matakevich was “Dirty Red.” Which is actually a bit more creative.

68. L.C. “Hollywood Bags” Greenwood: Two versions of this one. The first being that “Hollywood Bags” referenced the stylish clothes (especially gold cleats) he used to pack. But there’s also a legend that he got the nickname because he claimed “his bags were always packed in case Hollywood called.”

72. Gerry “Moon” Mullins: “Moon Mullins” was also a comic strip.

You see, kids, back in the day there were things called “newspapers.” And in these newspapers, there was a section called “comic strips.” Or “the funny pages.” And on Sundays … I’ve lost everyone under 35. Never mind.

73. Craig “Wolf”/“Wolfman” Wolfley: Sorry, I meant “Woof.”

78. Dwight “Mad Dog” White: When you spend all week in the hospital, then play in Super Bowl IX, and get a safety, “Mad Dog” fits.

84. Randy “The Rabbi” Grossman: Here’s Grossman’s explanation via the Jewish Telegraph Agency, “The fellow who pretty much nicknamed everyone was Dwight White,” Grossman said. “He and I were locker neighbors and, yeah, what are you gonna call a white kid from Philadelphia who’s Jewish? Sparky?”

No. But now that I think about it, “Sparky” is kind of funny.

91 & 95. Kevin Greene and Greg Lloyd (“Quiver” and “Quake”): I’m not above a good dual nickname.

92. James Harrison (“Deebo”): So-named for his fearsome resemblance to Deebo (Tommy Lister Jr.) from the 1995 movie “Friday.”

98. Casey “Big Snack” Hampton: For as good as he was, “Big Snack” kinda devolved into just “Big Hamp” or “Hamp” the longer he stuck around Pittsburgh. But Hampton never needed a nickname to stand out.

99. Brett “The Diesel” Keisel: Or “Da’ Beard” if you prefer. But as mentioned, rhyming is just easier.

Let’s also not forget Art “The Chief” Rooney, Chuck “The Emperor” Noll, and Bill “The Jaw/Chin” Cowher.

Seriously, Touchdown Wire?! You can’t find a fourth Steeler from that list?