Tim Benz: MLB 'Golden At-Bat' idea takes gold medal for stupidity

I’m not one who immediately flushes the idea of change when it comes to the sport of Major League Baseball. By nature, I’m not automatically a stodgy, old-school baseball traditionalist.

I embraced the pitch clock and applauded limited checks of runners on base. I initially balked at the wild card. Then I fell in love with it. Now, I hate how much baseball has expanded its playoff format.

I loathe the automatic runners in extra innings. I like the bigger bases. I’m not wild about banning the shift. And I really don’t care if the designated hitter lives or dies.

In either league.

Therefore, I think it’s fair to say I have a pretty open mind when it comes to new rules and ideas that may help the sport.

That said, this new “Golden At-Bat” idea MLB is apparently kicking around is actually the gold standard for stupidity.

Commissioner Rob Manfred was on a podcast recently with Puck’s John Ourand. He said the concept got “a little buzz around it at an owners’ meeting.”

Jayson Stark posted an in-depth “Golden At-Bat” breakdown at “The Athletic.” Be forewarned. You are going to start reading this, and you aren’t going to like the idea.

Trust me, though. Read it until the end.

That way, you can really despise it.

The premise is that once per game, both teams have the option to pinch hit for a player in their lineup with another player who is also currently in the lineup.

Yup. You read that right — even if your brain is telling you that you didn’t.

Picture this. Your team is down to its last out, down by a run in the bottom of the ninth inning. Your .202-hitting backup catcher is due up in the ninth spot, facing a filthy closer.

However, now (thanks to the “Golden At-Bat”), you can just move your 35-home run clean-up hitter into that slot to take that at-bat immediately.

Think about that. The Pirates are up 3-2 in the bottom of the ninth in Los Angeles. David Bednar strikes out the No. 7 and No. 8 hitters. At that point, Dodgers manager Dave Robert says, “Golden At-Bat.” Then Shohei Ohtani gets automatically elevated from his No. 2 spot in the batting order and takes the No. 9 hitter’s at-bat.

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You can’t even do that in backyard Wiffle Ball, can you?

Now, before you ask, some of the particulars of this rule are sketchy. I don’t know if the replaced hitter gets to stay in the game or not. It’s unclear if the “Golden At-Bat” hitter simply swaps places for good in the lineup with the player he replaced or not.

I also don’t know what happens if the “Golden At-Bat” guy gets on base and is still there when his natural spot in the order comes up. For instance:

• If Ohtani walks as the No. 9 “Golden At-Bat” hitter in the scenario I just presented, does he get to be removed for a pinch runner and take his own turn at bat in the No. 2 hole if the leadoff guy gets on as well? Or is that where the original No. 9 hitter swings now? Or must a pinch hitter of the bench take that turn at the plate?

I don’t know. Let’s hope we never find out because this is dumb.

This rule change idea is hokey. It’s carny. It’s convoluted. It’s overly complex. It messes with the very foundation of substitution rules of the game that have been in place for centuries.

And here’s the real thing that Manfred isn’t going to want to read: It’s not going to help.

Yes, it’ll certainly create more in-game drama. If I have — for whatever reason — made it through three hours of Yankees-Red Sox, I’m not turning off the television with two outs in the bottom of the ninth and the winning run on second base just because Jasson Dominguez is due up in the No. 9 spot instead of Aaron Judge. I’m going to at least watch Dominguez hit.

Maybe he’ll get a hit to win the game. Maybe he’ll walk. Maybe Judge will come up on his own.

And I’m not going to watch the first eight innings just because Judge may get a fifth at-bat in the ninth inning. Mid-game parlor tricks aren’t going to bring more people to watch games that don’t involve their favorite teams two hours earlier.

Might they watch an inning longer? Perhaps. Is that worth ruining a few centuries’ worth of traditional rules and standards?

Not in my eyes.

Let’s be honest, this idea has nothing to do with game flow or anything like that. This has to do with creating clips for social media the next day. This idea is specifically being discussed to appeal to a younger generation. Gen-Z types hate rules, regulations, structures and history. They never like being told they can’t do something. Or that they have to wait. They want things their way all the time, they want star power and hero worship, and they want instant gratification right now.

So, yeah. Sure. Let Aaron Judge skip the line and bat again. It’ll be fun on TikTok, Rob. “That’s fire, bro.”

By the way, Major League Baseball’s ultimate “Golden At-Bat” was turned in by some dude named Bill Mazeroski. How might things have gone if that at-bat was taken away by Dick Groat, Bob Skinner or Roberto Clemente?

I know this, no matter what, it couldn’t have possibly ended any better than it did.

Maybe just leave this idea in the digital ether of the podcast realm, and let’s pretend the conversation never took place.

And maybe boot those extra-inning automatic runners with it.