U mad, bro?: Penguins fans aren't done ranting. Nor should they be

The Penguins put their fan base through six months of dreadfully up-and-down, painfully inconsistent hockey.

You didn’t think that just one week of venting after missing the playoffs for the first time since 2006 was enough, did you?

Of course not! It’s time for the “All Penguins Angst” edition of “U mad, bro?”

Chapter 2!

(Psst … spoiler alert. This may be part of a trilogy. Stay tuned!)

We start with an email from Dave. He would like to point the finger of blame at one person, in particular, for this year’s failures by the Penguins.

And that person is … me???

“I think you are partially to blame for the Penguins losses to bottom-end teams. How many times did you write that the team we are playing ‘is one of the worst in the league’…or ‘they have the fewest points in the league?’ That over a stretch of ‘x-number of games’ we should get a bunch of points. Or that the team we are about to play has lost x-number of games in a row. Talking about giving a team fodder to play better is something you did.”

You make a compelling point, Dave. I probably did negatively impact the outcome of the Penguins’ season. I do have that kind of power and influence.

I guess I just forgot my role as a columnist.

That role should not be to give an honest and well-researched opinion. Nor should it be to present factual information and statistics to advance a point and tell a story.

Indeed, my role as a columnist should be to serve as a speech writer for the Penguins — to be an ombudsman of inspiration, so to speak.

I will attempt to do a better job of that next year. In 2023-24 when the Canadiens come to town, I will refuse to point out their record, current losing streak or last-place standing in the Atlantic, so as to avoid giving them any bulletin board material.

Instead I will craft a column similar to Kurt Russell’s speech in the movie “Miracle” so as to leverage a clear motivational advantage for “our” Penguins.

Maybe that way the Penguins won’t lose to them three times and miss the playoffs as a result again.

Thank you for setting me straight.

I got this tweet in response to my post about Sidney Crosby’s future with the Penguins. How long will he play? Can he play the rest of his career in Pittsburgh?

He’s retiring as a Penguin, Tim. Been the case all along. They need a GM to get a goalie and a proper bottom 6. Relax.

— You Know It’s Tru Tho (@know_tru) April 18, 2023

Oh they *just* need a bottom six, a general manager and a goalie? Gee, that’s all, eh?

By the way, I literally wrote in the story, “I sure hope those ideas are eventually spoken into reality here in Pittsburgh with Crosby. If you made me bet, I’m leaning toward believing that will be the end result.” So maybe it’s you that needs to relax.

Again, how to make that happen and how much longer he wants to play are the tougher questions to ask.

The Penguins finished 40-31-11. Technically, that’s 40 wins and 42 losses. So I made a joke in a recent tweet.

40-31-11. So... 40-42.

We can no longer say, "Yeah but Mike Toml...Sullivan has never had a losing season!"

— Tim Benz (@TimBenzPGH) April 14, 2023

This guy took exception to my attempt at humor.

That’s not how hockey works Tim. 40-31-11 is the record and it’s above .500 as long as OTLs equal 1 point…you can’t twist it for some narrative when they have more than 82 points. If they finished with under 82 points then you’d have an accurate correlation

— C-Dizzle (@PGHSports4Life) April 14, 2023

Sorry, Dizzle. What you are talking about is “points percentage.” In other words, the percentage of points gained. And, yes, with their 11 losses beyond regulation, they gained points in 51 of 82 games (.621). They got 91 points out of a possible 164 (.554).

I’m positioning their record in terms of winning percentage. Wins versus losses. They won 40 times (.487). They lost 42 times. Period.

I’ll be 50 years old soon. Whenever I twist or stretch too far, it hurts. I pull a muscle.

That was hardly a twist.

As a Penguins fan, Warren is taking things badly.

Absolutely pathetic ! Big Big and I mean Big changes coming in off season. We cannot go through another miserable season like this one !!

— Warren P (@SMYasirShay) April 14, 2023

“Miserable”? “Pathetic”? That may be a little strong, Warren. Didn’t you read the last guy’s tweet? You’re talking about a team that still finished nine games “above .500.”

Well, by his math anyway.

Here’s an email from Mark in response to a column I wrote last week arguing that there should be “no sacred cows” when it comes to playing the blame game for the Penguins’ late season collapse. In other words, while Ron Hextall, Brian Burke, the goalies, the bottom six and the blue line deserve most of the blame for how the season ended, keep in mind that a lot of the star players in the top six faded badly from mid-March on as well.

“All the stars’ point slumps you cite are all late season and could be due to exhaustion. Second, Sid is awesome but my critique of him is different. All players have slumps. But as captain and leader, he could have tried to convince Sullivan to change their style of play to a more disciplined style, one that results in opportunities from opponent mistakes.”

Two things, Mark. First of all, the only annual excuse I’m more sick of than “gee, the Pens just ran into a hot goalie” is “gee, the Pens just got tired.”

Everybody plays 82 games. Blaming fatigue every year is getting … well … tired.

Second, who says Crosby would want to play anything different than the style Sullivan is endorsing? If he wanted to, he could’ve said something at any point over the last five years.

Finally, there’s Bob. He would prefer that we look at the bright side of things with the Penguins.

“The Pens did not lose a playoff game yet this year…..”

That’s true, Bob. Nor will they.

Neither have the Steelers. And the Pirates haven’t lost a World Series game for over 40 years.

So, if you consider those angles as well, you might be the only Pittsburgh sports fan to be in a really great mood these days.