U mad, bro?: Pittsburgh fans have early barbs for Penguins at trade deadline, the Pirates — even the Maulers

Two treats for this week’s “U mad, bro?”

First, because of some scheduling quirks, it’s coming a day early.

Second, Pittsburgh fans are so special, they have managed to work their way into complaining about a franchise that hasn’t even held its first practice, rules changes that haven’t even been altered yet, and the Pirates even though MLB hasn’t even started to play yet.

You folks are that darned good!

Let’s start with Tom from Moon. He is a “long suffering Maulers fan” who is preemptively preparing excuses about poor attendance for games in the new USFL in the Birmingham bubble.

“As a longtime Maulers fan, I’d like to address the canned excuses Yinzers will be using for not showing up, not using tickets, or leaving early come April.

‘Oh, I have to leave early to beat the traffic on Graymont Ave…I-65 north to Nashville has too much construction around Damascus…There aren’t any Waffle House concessions at the stadium.’

Blah, blah, blah.

Sincerely,

An angry Maulers fan.”

Similarly, Tom, I am also preparing my canned complaints about Maulers games I will be analyzing this spring.

• Kirby Wilson only won with Joe Pendry’s players.

• Kyle Lauletta always throws short of the sticks on third down.

• Jeffrey Thomas needs to spend less time on TikTok and more time focusing on catching the football.

I’m ready.

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Contrary to what Mark Madden and I discussed on this week’s “Madden Monday” podcast, Larry doesn’t want to see the Penguins tinker too much with the roster as the trade deadline approaches.

“With the exception of Jeff Carter, name one player added at deadline who made a difference. The two previous general managers gave away a lot of assets with little or nothing in return. The 3rd and 4th lines don’t produce many goals. The Penguins have some expensive dead weight thanks to Jim Rutherford. The new owners may have a different philosophy.”

Nothing in return at the deadline from the two previous general managers? What?

I mean, Ray Shero got Marian Hossa, Pascal Dupuis and Hal Gill before the deadline in March 2008, and they won the conference. The next year, he got Bill Guerin in March and Chris Kunitz six days before the deadline and they won the Stanley Cup.

In 2016, Jim Rutherford made his trades earlier to beat the deadline, between mid-December and late February to get the likes of Trevor Daley, Carl Hagelin and Justin Schultz en route to the team’s fourth Cup. Do those count?

And, in 2017, he got Ron Hainsey, who played in 25 postseason games and totaled eight points from the blueline on the way to Cup No. 5.

Not to mention the deals the Penguins made in 1992 and 1991 that helped them win their first two trophies.

I understand. Trades like the ones for Jarome Iginla, Jason Zucker, Patrick Marleau and Derick Brassard haven’t worked out. But let’s not allow recency bias associated with some deadline deals that failed cloud history. Don’t make it sound like trying to swing a deal to add in early spring is always a bad move.

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Steve is worried about the Penguins upcoming schedule.

“Or what I like to refer to as: The Race To 8th.”

That may be a little extreme, Steve. But I hear you. The Pens face nothing but teams currently in the playoff bracket between now and St. Patrick’s Day. That’s seven straight games.

That said, even if they dip to eighth, the East is so stacked in the top eight spots this year , I’m not sure how much difference it makes. Especially if it’s seventh or eighth and they got the winner of the Atlantic or the Carolina Hurricanes atop the Metropolitan Division.

And even if they finish second or third in the Metro and likely face the Rangers, based on what I saw out of them on Saturday, that looks like it’s going to be a grind of a seven-game series, especially trying to score on goalie Igor Shesterkin.

“TorNateO” sends a tweet about my Major League Baseball labor stoppage column.

“Spot on. I’ve said for years now that I won’t give a (bleep) about baseball until it’s a (at least somewhat) level playing field.”

Agreed, Nate. And because it’s the Pirates, you still may not be giving much of a (bleep) even if it gets leveled.

Ray is on board with me when it comes to all the complaints about NFL overtime and the latest push to change it.

“I see nothing wrong with the current format. If anything both coaches know the consequences of NOT winning in four quarters, and yet they still ‘play for overtime.’

Buffalo had their chance to play for the win on their last possession of the fourth quarter, and they instead allowed KC to get the ball with 13 seconds left and could not stop them from scoring. As Buffalo went into the infamous ‘prevent us from winning defense.’

Buffalo couldn’t stop KC from driving the length of the field for a winning TD (in overtime). So everyone needs to quit whining.”

The only thing I disagree with here, Ray, is that it sounds like you are maybe suggesting that Buffalo could’ve done more to leave K.C. with less time on their last offensive possession. They were down four points with 23 seconds on the clock when Josh Allen threw the go-ahead touchdown pass to Gabriel Davis.

When a touchdown is needed and there is barely over 20 seconds left on the clock, I don’t think massaging the amount of time left should be part of the equation.

Score, and count on your defense to hold up for roughly 15 seconds. It’s not asking too much.

Finally, Robert wanted to add to my list of songs Metallica needs to play for an all-Pirates set list when they perform at PNC Park in August.

“• Nothing Else Matters: After about 30-35 games of the season.

• Sad but True: An owner strictly using the Pirates as a business to make money first and foremost and unwilling to sell the team.

• Hero of the Day: Roberto Clemente Day. The one day you can actually feel good to be a Pirate fan.”

Nice work, Robert. I’ll give you a few more I left on the cutting room floor:

“Killing Time”: What the Pirates tend to do between the months of April and October.

“Now That We’re Dead:” What the Pirates front office usually says before the trade deadline.

“The Day that Never Comes”: When the Pirates will win a World Series again for the first time since 1979.

OK. I’m done now. I promise.