Tim Benz: A Pirates-worthy set list for 'The Stadium Tour' at PNC Park

I’ve been sitting on tickets for the Stadium Tour concert at PNC Park since it was announced in December 2019.

Motley Crue, Poison, Def Leppard and Joan Jett? C’mon! It’s the 1980s and ‘90s soundtrack of my youth. Of course, I’m going.

But it’s been delayed twice because of coronavirus. Now, finally — knock on my stack of old cassette tapes — it’s gonna happen Friday.

Unless Tommy Lee gets covid. Or Bret Michaels gets covid. Or Joan Jett gets covid. Or all the bands get covid. Or I get covid. Or the Pirate Parrot gets covid and gives it to everyone at the stadium before the show.

None of which I’m ruling out.

Let’s face it, for as great as PNC Park is, it has housed a lot more disappointments than celebrations since it opened in 2001. So I won’t believe this show is actually happening until 38,000 jean jackets are in the seats and the hair is thick with the sound of screeching guitars, Aquanet and memories of failed romances at high school dances.

So, as we did at “Breakfast With Benz” when the Metallica show (Sunday, Aug. 14) was announced in February, allow me to present an “All-Pirates set list” for the big four musical acts that will be performing at PNC Park Friday night.

We hope.

Joan Jett

“Summertime Blues”: Pretty much every Pirates season since 1992

“Bad Reputation”: Dave Littlefield after the Aramis Ramirez trade

“You Don’t Know What You’ve Got”: The players sent to Tampa Bay in exchange for Chris Archer

“Let Me Go”: Gerrit Cole before the trade to Houston

“Victim of Circumstance”: Derek Shelton’s managerial record

“Make Believe”: What Pirates fans do every spring training

Poison

“Look What the Cat Dragged In”: A description of the Pirates’ Opening Day roster just about every season

“Nothin’ But a Good Time”: That wild-card game when Johnny Cueto dropped the ball

“Unskinny Bop”: They actually decided to skip this song once Daniel Vogelbach got traded

“Valley of Lost Souls”: Fans in the bleachers during a Tuesday night game in late August against the Brewers

“Want Some, Need Some”: Pitching, hitting

“Come Hell or High Water”: The wait for another World Series

“Every Rose Has Its Thorn”: Oneil Cruz and his strikeout rate

“Look But You Can’t Touch”: All those prospects we keep hearing about but have to wait five years to actually see in person

“Something to Believe In”: See above entry

“I Won’t Forget You”: A ballad dedicated to the Bonds-Bonilla-Van Slyke era

“Blame It on You”: This one is for Francisco Cabrera

“Cry Tough”: What Pirates fans do about 100 times per year

Def Leppard

Bringin’ On the Heartbreak: They are going to play highlights of the 1992 NLCS on the jumbotron while this song is performed

“High N’ Dry”: Ben Cherington’s MLB budget

“Foolin’”: When management tells fans that the plan is to have “meaningful games every September”

“Rocket”: What Kyle Schwarber hit out of the park in the 2015 Wild Card Game

“Have You Ever Needed Someone So Bad”: Yes. Barry Bonds. But he left in free agency in 1993

“Let It Go”: What I tell myself I need to do every time I think about Barry Bonds leaving in free agency in 1993

Motley Crue

“Wild Side”: Tyler Glasnow before he went to Tampa Bay and learned how to pitch

“What’s It Gonna Take”: …for this team to actually ever sign a big-time free agent?

“Don’t Go Away Mad (Just Go Away)”: What the Pirates said to Derek Bell before they released him in 2002

“Sumthin’ for Nuthin‘”: Most Pirates trades at the deadline

“Red Hot”: Albert Pujols whenever he leaves PNC Park after a three-game series

“Keep Your Eye on the Money”: A special encore for Bob Nutting

“Same Ol’ Situation”: It has been…since 1979