U mad, bro?: Steelers' roster cuts; Pirates' haircuts; Guns N' Roses at PNC Park

Not to go all Dennis Eckersley on you fine folks, but this week’s “U mad, bro?” is kind of a hodgepodge of nothingness.

We’ve got a nutty trade idea for the Pittsburgh Pirates, a worse roster suggestion for the Steelers, a complaint about the Pirates’ hairstyles, and a reference to a 2-week-old concert.

Aside from all that, this week’s edition makes perfect sense.

We haven’t heard from our friend “Uncle Mort” in a while. Let’s see what he has in store for us. Mort cc’ed me on an email with quite a few of our writers, including Jerry DiPaola.

“Jerry, you are a smart guy with influence — Why don’t you convince the Pirates ‘Brain Thrust’ to acquire the CUBS Ian Happ? He kills the Pirates frequently and would be a good addition! Also, would be a great opportunity to get rid of Suwinski in the ‘deal.’”

Mort, you got one thing right. Jerry is a smart guy and renowned as a man of influence.

But I’m not sure if even a person of Jerry’s formidable persuasive skills could get the Pirates “brain thrust” to pick up the remaining $58 million on Happ’s contract.

Unless Bob Nutting thrusts his brain into his own skull one night and wakes up thinking he owns the Dodgers.

Chuck has figured out the real problem with the Pirates.

“Do the Pirates have an official barber? They need one! Look at the Cubs, Cards, Yankees, etc, Neat, clean professionals. I am a huge Pirates fan but I need to throw up when I look at our guys … starting with Cruz, Joe, Jackson, Hernandez, Bido, Suwinski, etc.

If you’re going to play like a man, look like a man.”

You tell ‘em, Chuck. The Pirates have never had any good players with long hair. For instance, look at that 2013 team that won the wild-card game. They had nothing but guys like Andrew McCutchen, Jason Grilli and Gerrit Cole with neatly trimmed crew cuts.

Wait a minute.

OK, look at the Steelers. They’d never stand for a player with hair coming out of his helmet. Hall of Famers like Kevin Greene and Troy Polam…

Um, well. The Penguins. Yeah. What about the Penguins?! Everybody with the Pens has kept their hair high and tight just like Mario and Sid. I mean think about Jaromir Jagr, Phil Bourque, Kris Let….

Since the Steelers defensive line is so deep, Frank wants to know why they don’t consider cutting starter Larry Ogunjobi.

“Why is Ogunjobi an automatic for the 53? We have 7 other competent linemen on defense and Ogunjobi always seems to be hurt. What good is it to cut an NFL caliber lineman to keep a guy who is unavailable every time you turn around? Is it the cap hit that makes cutting Ogunjobi an impossibility?”

Well, Frank, Ogunjobi’s $12 million dead-money cap hit doesn’t make that idea impossible. But it does make it highly impractical.

If you are upset about Ogunjobi’s injury history, you should be mad that they bothered to re-sign him this offseason, more so than ask why they don’t cut him now.

I think Ogunjobi is a big injury risk too. But when he’s healthy, he’s good. I think they are going to try to capture that for at least another year.

More sports

• Steelers fill half of practice squad with 8 players let go on cutdown day
• Pitt's deep tight end group gives assistant coach Tim Salem lineup options
• Unheralded Dylan Cook goes from college QB to making Steelers' roster as backup tackle

Tim isn’t buying what Pirates general manager Ben Cherington is selling about building toward a winning season.

“When is talking about winning now, winning now? Winning now means NOT having a losing season???!!!!!

After all THAT is the ‘standard’ for success for some people.”

I see what you did there, Tim. Well played.

Finally, here is an email from someone named … uhhh … “Axl” from “Los Angeles.” He’s upset that I didn’t do one of my wildly popular and massively read “sports setlist” posts for the Guns N’ Roses concert at PNC Park a few weeks ago, as I had done for some other recent shows.

“Why didn’t you write a GNR setlist piece like you did for Motley Crue and Metallica? How were we supposed to know what to play for Pirates fans?”

Honestly, I felt like I was going to get too repetitive with the Pirates jokes, and I didn’t feel like I had enough song titles that worked to get a whole column out of it.

But just for you “Axl,” here’s what was left on the cutting room floor. Consider this a “Chinese Democracy” version of “U mad, bro?”

Here we go. A Pirates-worthy Guns N’ Roses setlist for their (next) concert at PNC Park.

• “Patience”: What Pirates fans have been showing since 1979.

• “14 years”: Probably how long it will be before their next winning season.

• “You’re Crazy”: … if you think the Pirates are ever going to spend enough to win.

• “Paradise City”: Pittsburgh, if this team ever makes the playoffs again.

• “Think About You”: A special dedication to Oneil Cruz.

• “Don’t Cry”: Something Pirates fans tell themselves anytime they look at the standings.

• “It So Easy”: … to strike out Jack Suwinski.

• “Bad Obsession”: The organizational demand to make Henry Davis a right fielder.

• “Absurd”: The Aramis Ramirez trade.

• “Down on the Farm”: Where the Pirates keep telling us all the good players are.

• “One in a Million”: The Cueto game.

• “Estranged”: The team’s relationship with many of its fans.

• “Sorry”: … for those 20 straight years of losing?

• “Double Talkin’ Jive”: What I hear whenever Bob Nutting speaks.

• “Perfect Crime”: The Pirates’ business strategy.

• “Anything Goes”: The Pirates annual motto at the trade deadline.

• “Coma”: What Pirates fans fall into usually around June of every year.

• “Civil War”: What was going on in America the last time the Pirates went to the World Series.

• “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door”: What I’ll probably be doing by the time they get back there again.

Actually, there was more there than I thought. You’re right, Axl, I shoulda done it. Give Slash my best.